Caring with a smile

[Achoopichu]

My mum died a year ago after a lung cancer diagnosis and I did a lot of the caring for her, visiting every day unless I absolutely couldn’t. So when she died there was some relief to get my life back.

But my dad is depressed and very frail and has expected me just to carry on as before, for him. I resisted for a while. But I’ve decided just to do it, it will just about keep him out of a home. So I’m fitting it in around full time work and being an lp. I do get some time to myself but I do feel quite resentful. He’s unreasonable and demanding and cantankerous and would never have done this for anyone else (He didn’t have any elderly relatives).

On the other hand he is in pain and exhausted and lonely, and I feel really sorry for him.

I know there are people who do a lot more than me and for a lot longer. But it’s very hard. We do have some carers that go round for an hour a day, and they are always upbeat and have a brilliant way about them

I’m doing the job but I don’t feel very ‘caring’

Posted too soon

Just wondered if anyone had any advice how to cope with it and if possible, help me change my attitude and do a better job. I don’t think he’ll be with us long

I tried to have the attitude of you have to be able to sleep at night knowing that you have done your best for your parents and that you have little to feel guilty for.

When your Dad leaves this world you want to be feeling as above not be racked with regrets. It's really hard though.

Can you get the carers to do more? I am trying to do the facilitation and treats but trying to avoid doing the day to day. Not easy.
You deserve your life and happiness too.

I’ve just changed my mums name on my mobile phone so that when her name flashes up it says ‘mum (be happy)’ - to remind me to not be stressed with her, even if its the fifth Phone call that day. I do however, put my foot down if she’s being stroppy it unreasonable and tell her she can sort herself out if she’s going to take that attitude.