DMum.....start of dementia/Alzheimer’s

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Dear all

Please bear with me as this starts strangely.

My DMum is 81 and has always been of the opinion that she is right and she must be obeyed. This caused problems for my DSis when younger as one of the opinions was no sex before marriage, hence when Dm found out about DS staying with boyfriend (when dsis was 24!!!) we had days of screaming and appalling behaviour until my DSis gave in. The boyfriend left as he’d had enough.

Fast forward 30 yrs and my DSis is now divorced after 24 yrs; frankly I’m amazed they lasted that long, as neither me nor my dm of old thought they were ever suited. He eventually played away and was generally a shit at the end, only thinking of himself and leaving her twice, coinciding with GCSEs and A levels AND resits for their 2 DSons. Thoughtless tosser would be my opinion.

Dm since this time has been foul about and to my DSis and basically blames her for everything....nothing is his fault as he’s the favourite, darling Son in Laws and of course he isn’t sleeping with the other woman...he’s perfect and my DSis should have tried harder to keep him/look after him/be nice to him etc, etc.

My dm though is on a loop on this issue/story, along with about 4 other things, all related to an ‘oh woe is me, isn’t this all terrible for me’ and then leading inevitably to tears. I see her at least twice a week and at least once a week the tears will be there. The thing is though, the stories she has on a loop are other people suffering mainly, but she’s only thinking about herself in the scenario, despite trying to suggest she’s thinking about the main party and getting upset for them. It’s very definitely about her. Sometimes she seems totally fine but at other times, really not. Today I had a long description of table settings at Xmas 3 yrs ago and despite me saying please stop, boring, why are you telling me etc, she carried on. I then realised it was to then get upset about how all the family won’t ever be together again because shit head ex Dsil won’t be there.

My poor Ddad has this constantly and he thinks it’s getting worse.

Could this be the start of Alzheimers? Her DSis is now in final stage of it but I didn’t see the early stages. Could it also be a rather narc personality just getting older?

She sounds narc from her description, but things may be getting worse to to ageing/dementia/etc

Thanks Paap. I think I’ve always known that she was a little like it but I could ignore it in the past and had enough distance to not notice it too much. She now lives around the corner, so my DDad come to escape when he can.

I think this will at some point become the case with my mother too. If you want to see if you have a narc mother, there are a number of quick questionnaires available online. In my case, the result was very clear, and just having it confirmed has been helpful in coping with her.

Thanks, will have a look. Xx

Hmm, I’ve just done the quiz and for me, I def don’t think she’s narc.....a few which I said ‘yes!’ But not enough to be statistically significant I don’t think. I suspect that she’s a bit that way inclined, but that this is an ageing symptom in the main.