I don't know what to do

[scrabble1]

FIL and MAIL both 88. FIL has dementia and Parkinson's. MIL very fit but recently suffering a lot of back pain. DH and I struggling due to her unwillingness to co operate. Visited yesterday and she said FIL had a bowel accident on the bedroom carpet and it happened a week ago! So had to find a carpet cleaning company and she then started flapping about that. She doesn't want any carers despite us suggesting a private agency for just a few hours a week. She leaves FIL for several hours whilst vising hairdresser and if anything happened he would be helpless (fall etc) he can't even use a phone. Things need doing in the house and she won't agree, like blown double glazing which will let in the cold. Anyone else had this sort of situation?

You need to get adult social services involved and also speak to their GP. Say it's a safeguarding issue. Older people are more likely to bow to authority figures like GPs. They will be very used to these situations. Good luck.

GP already did a home visit a while ago and explained a this to her but nothing has moved forward. She asked me a week ago to ring GP about medication for FIL as he has been shaking her . When DH mentioned it she said she wished we would stop ringing GP and interfering!

Phone up your local council. Ask to be put through to adult social care. Explain the situation mentioning incidents and say they are vulnerable. Ask them to do an assessment for attendance allowance. The attendance allowance could be used for anything.

Thanks Panda, we got them attendance allowance a long time ago. Because hubby is getting accused of so much I'm stepping in and telling her that I am arranging a care sitter for FIL. Then he won't keep having to take all the flack, which is stressing him out tbh

Good. So hard isn't it?! Once you've got reliable care it can hopefully be increased gradually.

Just seen this, may be worth contacting Parkinson’s UK, they have Parkinson’s Local Advisers who could visit and talk through respite/care options & will know all the local services available, a friendly informal approach if people are reluctant to have a care assessment. Check out their website and look under local information & support

I think you need to phone social services for an assessment and take it from there.

It can be very tricky to help when help isn’t wanted but it’s for the best that you intervene.