I've posted this under the drop-in thread but I'm not a carer. So maybe that wasn't the right place. sorry!
I'm just in an odd emotional place and want to offload.
My dad has several chronic illnesses but also cognitive impairment (wasn't dementia 2 yrs ago but is waiting for reassessment.)
I'm struggling with wanting to enjoy whatever time he has left and coping with his behaviour towards my mum. He has always been controlling with money- not miserly, but handing out housekeeping for all their marriage. (They are in their 90s.) He's now become aggressive (verbally) and also physically as he's realised he can't manage the finances now and mum has to. He constantly undermines her, accuses her of running up debts, being extravagant, shouldn't be buying XYZ, and still wants to control the money she has access to. He can't even understand a bank statement and has 'fantasies' about his company pension being stopped. he was also violent towards me last time I was there because I was helping mum with reading the bank statements- he tried to hit and kick me, saying none of it was my business and it was all HIS money.
I live 5hrs away, have my own DCs and a job. I don't see my parents as often as I'd like to. But now I feel so disappointed with dad because his behaviour has clearly been like this all their married life- it's just coming out now. He's never been violent before ever, so I make an allowance for his illness. But it's clear he has bullied my mum and made her comply. She doesn't see it this way, refuses to stick up for herself and says all women her age have marriages like this. At a time when I want to feel good about my dad, I'm finding I dislike him.