Such a sad call today

[wonkylegs]

I was talking to my mum on the phone today and she was telling me how excited she was that I was bringing her grandkids to see her in a weeks time especially as she'd never met the littlest one.
Except she has several times. she can't remember meeting him at all.
She has dementia and has been quite good really, she lives on her own with a home help that comes in and we've sorted out various mechanisms & schedules so she can cope but this phone call had me sobbing. It's the first time she's forgotten a family member.
She usually finds dates and days confusing but is good with people and names.
I know she's only going to get worse with time but this really hit home and I was so sad.
Don't really want any advice, just to unload really. God this is hard, I thought we wouldn't have to look after our parents until they / we were older and for her to have such a horrible condition too. I feel sad for her and the kids who won't really know granny.

That is terribly sad. My mom is getting there but still at the stage of just not remembering her great grandsons name and calling my eldest dd my niece etc. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, that must be so hard

I guess focus on the positive that she's excited about seeing them even if she's a bit confused.

Hugs

How old is she?

So sad.

My Mum had a particularly vicious dementia illness with features of Alzheimers and Parkinsons. I remember going down to visit her in hospital and realising for the first time that she was "gone" in every real sense. I came home and sat in the bath and wept with my OH by my side. Then I picked myself up and continued to make sure that this woman (no longer really my Mum) got the very best possible care. The meltdown reprogrammed my brain and I mourned the loss of my real Mum - mind you she was a blooming feisty lady (and a mixed blessing!) in her time!

I'm really sorry

It's very hard. We are currently having a similar issue with FIL, who can't remember his grandchildren. They are teenage and older so they remember him as he was, but it's still hard for them. FIL will ask questions to help him work out who is who, but it's obvious he can't remember names etc.

It's a very difficult stage.

It's rotten when this happens, my DM gets the grandchildren mixed up, who belongs to which parents etc.
I had her out this morning for her big shop, on the way home she said I'll need to get a paper, she'd completely forgotten we'd been shopping earlier. It breaks my heart, as she knows there is something wrong some of the time.

She's 72, grandsons are 9, 3 & 15months it's the littlest one she can't remember
I think it's particular hard because my grandparents were around til their 90's and my GMIL is still about and sharp as anything at 95

It sounds harsh but there have been some positives she's had a complete personality change. She used to not be a very nice person especially towards me but always good with the kids. Since the Alzheimer's she's a completely different person, much nicer, not at all self centred and more thoughtful. I felt like I finally got a mum I could get on with but its conversations like this that remind me sharply that it will only be fleeting

I hope this wont upset anyone, that is not my intention, dementia is such a cruel disease. I work in a nursing home and one of our residents, a lovely gent, has a photo montage on his wall of all his grandchildren and in the middle it says " Grandad, we remember your love, even though you no longer remember us "
I wept the first time I saw it, and it still brings a lump to my throat now.

So sorry. It is a blessing that she has become nicer to you... but as you say you are losing your DM. The photo book idea is a good one with names on.

for you op.
My nan has dementia and although knows that we are hers can't remember who we all are. She often gets confused between the generations and thinks my daughter is me, my son is my brother. my brother and I were so lucky to have such fantastic grandparents and I really wish my dc had known their great grandparents longer before the dementia took hold of my nan and thus left my grandfather broken hearted because he lost his wife (which ultimately led to his death).
So sad.