What can I do to stop this from spiralling out of control?

[MoonlightMedicine]

My mum had a stroke a few years back, she was left with very confused speech and it has totally changed her as a person. It is a very long story but I will keep it brief and try not to out myself. She has an obsession with a close neighbour, she believes this neighbour is an evil person who has committed heinous acts against others my mother cares about. She has been obsessed with it for months and it isn't going away, if anything it is getting worse. She now wants to get the police involved so they can get on record everything she claims this neighbour has done.

As far as we know, the neighbour has done none of these things.

My father is concerned that this could now get out of control and is fearful that my mother could start going down a route of harassment of this person. Also my mother has been suffering from high blood pressure getting herself all worked up over it, and has fallen over a few times (dad says because she was all fired up). It is all she will talk about. We listen and always tell her she needs to move on from this and be positive etc. but it just isn't getting any better.

She has been signed off by the stroke team and has no 'team' or support in place other than my father and I, but she is angry at both of us now because we 'don't understand'. If we suggest speaking to a counsellor or a doctor she becomes very upset because as far as she is concerned there is nothing wrong with her, everything is blamed on the evil person and this person needs to be held to account. She feels it is her against us all now.

I don't know what I'm asking for, ideas I guess. Or experiences of anyone else who has been through similar. My father isn't coping with it and I am struggling myself with 2 small children and work - we just don't know what to do for the best.

I think you need to make an appointment with her doctor. Book it as if it's her attending if they won't accept a booking any other way, but go yourself. Then explain all this to the doctor. Not only is your poor mum making herself miserable but it would be awful if she did something to harm your neighbour.

There has been this awful story in the news recently about the teenager who killed that poor 8 year old girl because she thought she was a robot. The teenager's mental health had been deteriorating and she was known to have been delusional about the 8 year old for quite some time.

Thank you for responding Whereto, I appreciate it. I don't think seeing her doctor would achieve anything because she would refuse to go to any kind of follow-up.

I've taken some advice from a friend who works in the police and may speak to the local police community support officer about the situation.

I definitely can't see my mum killing or hurting anybody by the way! More making a nuisance of herself and potentially causing a lot of unnecessary upset and stress all round. I perhaps should have made that clearer in my original post. If I thought she was a danger to anybody I'd have acted immediately to put measures in place.

I really want to try and put an end to her constant rumination and ranting but i don't know if we can.

Community mental health team may be able to provide input at home

Ring the GP and explain. It sounds like a delusional disorder but (obvs) I don't know cause. GP can check medication not cause, bloods may need checked and then possible psychiatry referral.

I wouldn't try and talk her round or convince her that she is wrong. If needed I would get her to appointments by saying blood pressure review (as BP doesnt need control to prevent further strokes) or say you will bring her to GP to get help/support with the stress about the worries with the neighbours. Don't say you believe the neighbours poison people (or whatever it is), just say "you seem really upset by this, I think the GP can help support you etc" - or whatever she may respond to.

I sympathise with your situation , Op, having cared for my elderly parents.
You said you don't think seeing a doctor will help, but I would still urge you to try to get her seen by her GP. This type of 'paranoia' can be a symptom of dementia, which is not uncommon, especially after a stroke.
I would suggest you or your father ask to speak to her GP, explain the situation you are and your concerns. Her GP should be seeing her at least annually for blood pressure checks, as high pressure is a cause of strokes. Also in regard to the falls she has had, which may be a result of transient ischaemic attacks (TIA's, often called 'mini-strokes'). If she is on any regular medication, she should be seen at least annual for medication review.
Her GP could ask her to attend for any of these reasons, and then explore her mental health/symptoms of dementia or other organic brain disorder that is causing her altered thinking.
Is it likely that she would see the GP if she thinks the appointment is for BP check?

Cross post with RideOn. Wish I type faster!

Thank you. She sees the GP very frequently for bp checks etc. I'll pass this advice on to my dad - thanks.

I'm sorry this is happening to your family.

I also would recommend discussing with the GP. My mum has vascular dementia (series of small strokes) and suffered awful delusions that were as real as day to her. Nothing we said would convince her they weren't real. It was incredibly upsetting for her and also for us. However, these have almost disappeared with a change in her medication. It took a bit of trial and error to find something that worked and it didn't happen overnight.