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Elderly parents

How can I help my elderly Dad/parents?

1 reply

PandoraMole · 02/07/2017 09:45

Background: been living with parents for almost a year since since my marriage broke down, hoping to be out within the next 3-6 months but really worried about how they'll cope.

Mum is 78. She is very capable on a practical level but extremely controlling and quite needy emotionally. She is someone who 'can't sit down' until absolutely everything is fine and the house is perfect. It's virtually impossible to help her because everything has to be done her way and she is extremely critical otherwise. She then wears herself out and goes into hard done by martyr mode.I

As a result of mum's personality/behaviour and his own health problems my dad has virtually no life. He is 79, quite frail, hasn't been able to drive for several years and is increasingly unsteady on his feet which makes walking or public transport unsafe (they have nothing in common and mum doesnt get on with public transport as she's 'not in control'). Mum also gets anxious if I suggest taking him anywhere. He's struggling to walk 500 yards to get the paper in the morning and apart from washing up after dinner he spends all day on the sofa, much of it sleeping.

His physical health is definitely an issue but i believe his mental health is more of a problem - depression (he's on ADs but has had to change and now reduce them due to side effects) and a complete lack of confidence caused by my mums attitude. The other day he asked her permission to use a towel that was already out in the bathroom Sad.

I work f/t in a secondary school so have little flexibility in term time but with the hols approaching would really like to try and make both their lives easier so that when DD and I move out they are both better able to cope. Tbf to mum she does virtually everything for her and dad (albeit because she thinks everyone else is incapable) and if I could just get her to step back a bit and help Dad improve his strength and confidence it would be good for both of them.

So after that epic offload Blush can anyone offer any advice as to how I might be able to sort them out?

OP posts:
thesandwich · 02/07/2017 22:31

Sounds hard. Could your df use a mobility scooter? Could he try one somewhere- national trust etc?
Could you try to get them to accept a cleaner? Contact age uk to see if there are any groups your df could join- they often have men groups. Age uk can offer all sorts of advice. Good luck

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