Did I do something terrible?

[Mrsfrumble]

My wonderful dad has dementia and has been in a nursing home for the past 6 months. Today is my parents wedding anniversary, so I sent my mum some flowers with a message saying they were on behalf of my dad because I know he'd want her to have some. When she called earlier to say thank you she was very tearful. She's such a stoic, and kept saying she was crying because she was so glad to have the flowers, but now I feel bad that I've upset her.

I know today was always going to be hard for my mum. She feels tremendously guilty about being no longer able to care for Dad at home, and he's recently started struggling to recognize her when she visits him. Was it a mistake to send the flowers? Should I just have stuck to a card? We live 100+ miles apart and I have small children so am not able to visit as much as I'd like and feel so rubbish and helpless.

Awwww! No I think that was a lovely, considerate thing to do for your mum. No matter what you had done today was bound to be emotional and a bit difficult for her. I imagine you will have made it many times better for her than it would have been.

You did a lovely thing. Believe your mum when she says they were glad tears and not sad ones. Today is tough for you too so here are some unmumsnetty for you too

I think that's an amazing thing to do!! It was always going to be a difficult day for her & you sending the flowers is such a thoughtful gesture she's probably just feeling a bit overwhelmed... but that doesn't detract from how lovely getting the flowers must have been!!

No you didn't do something terrible. I think it was a lovely thought.

No, it was lovely, and you explained it well to her. And you remembered. Well done! My dad is very poorly, I'm going to have to find out their significant dates so I can be as considerate as you.

No you didn't do anything wrong IMO-it's still their wedding anniversary and worth marking and remembering. If my dd had done that, I would have cried too and been grateful that our marriage had produced such a lovely daughter. You just did what your dad would have done if he'd been able

She may have needed a good weep today. You Being lovely obviously have that weep a bitter sweet element which was better than just a sad, lonely weep about your dad.

Thank you all so much for the reassurance. I didn't think a "Happy Anniversary" card felt quite right, hence the flowers, but I have a tendency to overthink things like this.

Mum has been so strong and it's hard to hear her so teary when I can't be there to hug her.

I think you've done something very kind, OP. And I agree with exploded, a good cry might be just what she needs at the moment.

It was a beautiful thing to do. My own dad died decades ago, but I send my mum anniversary flowers on ' his behalf' every year. She loves them.

It was a lovely thing to do for you