Hi - I used this board a lot when dealing with my own elderly DM and received great advice and support. DM sadly passed away 4 years ago but DH and I are now dealing with his elderly parents so I'm back for more advice.
PILs are in England and we are in Scotland so I'm a little unsure of the legal situation.
DFIL (80)is terminally ill but still at home with MIL ( 74) and they have support from district nurses and nurses from the local hospice. Have also had a lot of support from MacMillan. Also SIL lives close by and has been a huge support and help to them ( not always appreciated) !
FIL is now very frail and is being pressed by nurses to consider DNR but he is very reluctant to express his wishes. Does DNR refer only to resusitation if his heart fails or does it have a wider application ? For example if his kidneys were to fail and he'd completed a DNR does this mean he wouldn't be offered dialysis ?
If he doesn't sign a DNR who would make decisions regarding his care and treatment ? I think MIL assumes it would be her but I not sure this is correct and I think it might come as a huge shock when/if the situation arises. MIL by the way is caring for FIL and has coped very well but is now struggling and is very inclined to snap heads off so these discussions are challenging.
Despite our encouragement over the past few years FIL has not arranged POA and now seems even more reluctant to do so - he feels "everyone is ganging up on him". DH is very concerned but we are now unsure how to advise FIL.
If he is reluctant to sign a DNR or express his wishes clearly in writing should we just leave it and deal with the situation as it develops ?
Thanks