Mum not eating properly - I live away

[mummybear25]

Any ideas on how to encourage Mum (80, living at home independently but starting to need more help) to eat more? I live 3 hours away and visit once a month so it's hard to keep an eye on what she's eating on a day to day basis. She's never had much interest in food and doesn't socialise so she finds it hard to keep motivated. Currently her weight has slipped back to 6 stone 13 (she's 5ft 3).

We're thinking of ringing the changes with Wiltshire Farm Foods instead of the supermarket ready meals she's been eating and also were going to try supplement drinks. She doesn't have a carer, but we're wondering if that might also help to have someone pop in every so often.

We also need to encourage her to drink as she was recently hospitalised with a UTI, but she worries about night time incontinence. Suggestions please!

The befriending scheme is only a short term thing - I think it was 6 months, coming every other week, and was really designed to try and get people to go to a social group.

Has your mum had a social services assessment? They can be a useful gateway to local services, and obv are the ones who hold the purse strings to carers if your mum isn't assessed as needing to fully fund things.
Oh, and does she get attendance allowance? That soothed my dads ruffled brow about paying for a carer

My DM has similar issues to yours (and used to live 200 miles away from us). She moved to an assisted living complex near us 6 mths ago. She has her own flat, but there's a restaurant serving lunches on site, a weekly clean of her flat is included in the service charges and you can buy in extra care support from the on site staff if needed. She is much happier now, socialising with the other residents and as she eats in the restaurant 2 or 3 time a week her nutritional needs are being met. The peace of mind on having her close to us was worth the stress of moving (and that's her and us saying that!)

Hi Sask, no she doesn't and she wouldn't be keen on that. It would be something else to worry about I'm afraid.

SHe does like her puddings hollin ;-) but I think she's probably not having the snacks and other extras it was suggested she had to try and get the weight back on. She seems very set in her ways on portion size at home.

My mom same age. Decided two years ago that she simply could not cook ever again. Seemed to have lost the capacity to think it through even though she is very clear in her thinking. She has a carer pop in to cook for her. She will eat whatever she makes. Two days a week she goes to a centre nearby where a meal is provided activities physiotherapy hair dresser etc. A bus picked her up and drops her back. She doesn't get madly enthusiastic but is in better form that evening we notice. In lreland centres like that are common but not sure about the UK. Is there a public nurse who would give you ideas of what other elderly people are doing in the area and give some advice. I think l will be giving up cooking by 80 too.

Thanks samandcj we'll give those a look; may provide a bit of variety. I'm glad they worked for your Mum. Mine got down to 6 1/2 stone at one point. She thought she looked like a Belsen victim but even that wasn't enough to jolt her into action. A couple of trips to the dietician and things improved and she got up to 7 1/2 but has not maintained it. Hence we're looking for ideas to help motivate her again

I don't think she has had a SS assessment but got a lot of help from the local Age Uk when discharged last time. The lovely lady got the ball rolling re attendance allowance, but they rang Mum who confidently told them she didn't need any help! We need to pick that up again

Hi FartyTette, the setting you have found sounds very lovely. Mum's against moving at the moment, but the time may come when she wants to. We're starting to clear out some of her clutter now just in case we need to sort something out quickly in the future

If the doctor is also worried about your mum's weight, I'm pretty sure they'll prescribe it. My Dad is on 2, 250ml bottles a day and doing well with it. There is also something else the doctor can prescribe called Ayme's shakes. You get different flavours and add milk to the powders. You could ask for both to try (or other supplement drinks) and see which one your mum likes more.

There is a massive drive to cut down inappropriate prescribing of Ensure/Fortisip etc - locally these can only be prescribed if a dietician is involved (yes it is cost cutting) so don't be sure you can just go and ask GP to prescribe them and they will. If eating actual meals such as Witshire Farmfoods is an option this is a much better and heathier choice than a supplement.

I hear what you're saying Wolper but at the moment we need to start the weight going back up and introducing supplements in addition to proper meals will help achieve this. Hopefully we won't need them long term. If needs be we can approach the local dietician again, she was pretty user friendly.

mummerbear I didn't mean it for you as much as the people advising you it was guaranteed that GP would def prescribe supplements as in some areas it is now not as simple as that anymore. You've obviously had dietitian input before so are knowledgeable about the process.

Has your mum's GP checked for signs that there is nothing more serious going on that difficulty in preparing meals that might be causing the weight loss?

An enterprising local cafe near my mum offers a delivery service at lunchtime of a main course and dessert up to 6 days a week. Anything like that around?

Wolp when she had her hospital stay her discharge letter stated they'd done a dementia test and that was negative, however, I am starting to suspect there may be some early signs. It's difficult to be sure though as when she does eat and drink properly, and has maybe had someone pop in that day, she is a lot more 'with it'. Her OCD behaviours may be more of the issue as she is quite rigid in what she eats when and why....

Hi dmc - that sounds great! Unfortunately the town near where Mum lives doesn't have much in the way of eating places other than the big chains that are moving in. There used to be meals on wheels, but not any more.

Dm used to use wff and they were great. Easy to heat and a good portion.

Might be worth a google of meal delivery elderly as I saw today a local care company are now doing hot meal delivery with a 'welfare check' - the menu looks nice

The 'dementia test' she had in hospital could be anything really - unless she was seen by an old age psychiatrist (in which case the discharge summary should say so) it's pretty meaningless.

Every older person has a quick screening test for dementia on admission to hospital which will pick up some concerns and prompt further questions and I suspect that's what your mum has had and it was OK - but if there are more subtle things going on, it won't have picked them up. Essentially there is no 'test' for dementia and often the evidence that it's there shows up over time. It may also be harder to detect in hospital as it's not your mum's normal environment.

I was also thinking whether there were physical illnesses making her lose weight but hopefully if she has recently been in hospital these have been excluded.

so hard worrying about your parents, especially when you are further away.

CMOT what a great facility to have in your area. I've just been through the Lincolnshire care gateway mentioned to me by Lincoln Age UK and there is very little in my Mum's area. The only meals they advertise in her area are WFF. I've just been through the brochure identifying all the dairy free meals and there's a pretty good choice so hopefully we can come up with something different for a bit.

Wolper - I completely agree. I have no idea what the 'test' was and given that she was coming down off a UTI when she had been completely on another planet I'm not sure what they were basing 'normality' on!!

We don't think there is any physical side, and as you say hopefully they would have picked that up in hospital.

Thanks for all your kind messages. It is hard being so far away. I'm lucky in that my brother is about 40 mins away from her and bless him he has had to pick up the pieces with both late night hospital admissions. We are the product of older parents and are ourselves older parents. Juggling work, families and long distance parent care is challenging, but a challenge increasing numbers of us are having to face.

Hmm, just re read that and my brother does do lots of other stuff too!