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Elderly parents

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Original poster

Who to contact for emergency care?

18 replies

DapperDame · 08/02/2016 22:49

My fil is going into hospital tomorrow for a fairly major op at short notice(he only got the date at the weekend, didn't even want dh to know- he's their only child) and was supposed to have contacted his gp about care for his wife and an emergency care package for himself for when he is discharged. Mil is unable to look after herself. They are both in their 80s and in England (if that's relevant). My dh found out this evening that his df has not contacted the gp, leaving his dm in a very vulnerable position. We are the other end of the country. Is there anyone we can contact on mil's behalf? Any guidance would be appreciated. Can we speak to the local surgery about her without fil finding out? He is being a complete ostrich about their situation, adamant he will cope etc. Mil is worried, dh is going to see them obvs but can't get there till Wednesday. Any ideas who we can speak to, if anyone?

OP posts:

Lolimax · 08/02/2016 22:53

Can you ring social services? They should be able to help I'd have thought.

IamTheWhoreofBabylon · 08/02/2016 22:56

In the 2 areas I've worked we have health based teams as well as SS
They are accessed via GP
GP should know what is available in their area and how to access it

PoppieD · 08/02/2016 22:57

You could ring Ss and request an assessment be carried out- but it is likely they will be unable to do anything without your MILs consent. Although with that, your FiL cannot refuse care assessment for her if she agrees!

Original poster

DapperDame · 08/02/2016 23:00

Thank you, both of you. My dh is worried about contracting the gp in case it makes things difficult for his dm, but I don't really see any alternative tbh. Will it matter that it's not the dpil doing the contacting? Will they listen to my dh?

OP posts:

Original poster

DapperDame · 08/02/2016 23:02

Thanks, poppie, mil is fairly desperate for someone to assess her I think. She's worried about being on her own. It's fl who is resisting. It's worse than toddlers having a tantrum...

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PoppieD · 08/02/2016 23:05

It can depend on the GP surgery on what they are willing to act on due to data protection they may take concerns from you but not share info. What are your concerns? Is it she is at risk of falling or neglecting herself,cannot walk or get in/out off bed without help, she is unable to manage washing/dressing/medication or more meals/housework?

Original poster

DapperDame · 08/02/2016 23:12

She is all there upstairs but not very mobile at all. She gets about v slowly but is unable to cook/ make a meal. I'm not sure she can even make a cup of tea, tbh. They were both told that they would be assessed for care but had to make arrangements through the gp, which fil has failed to do. They only manage because he is her carer. although his mobility isn't good, he can stand and cook, look after himself etc.

OP posts:

bb888 · 08/02/2016 23:16

Social services would be the usual people to contact about this sort of thing - you should be able to find the number for the appropriate local team.

PoppieD · 08/02/2016 23:20

Could you support MiL to make call- although I suppose being far away might be difficult- you could call gp and advise you are calling on behalf of her to arrange assessment, and that you have her consent to do so. Which they can comfirm on contacting her for assessment? Advise them of concerns regarding her mobility as she may benefit from a physio assessment with regards to walking aids and OT for any equipment that would help her at home, Such as toilet rails or frames or having Her chair raised to make it easier for getting on off it. Best of luck!

Original poster

DapperDame · 08/02/2016 23:21

Thank you all so much, especially for replying so quickly xx. We will try and contact social services and gp tomorrow.

OP posts:

PoppieD · 09/02/2016 13:14

Hope you got on ok Dapper!

Adarajames · 09/02/2016 19:35

Hoping you managed to sort this, but sometimes SS can be rather slower than liked to do assessments, so as a last resort you could probably speak to a care agency near to them directly and set up some help, but risk if you do that is ss will then say it's sorted and not do the assessment!

Original poster

DapperDame · 10/02/2016 07:54

Thank you. DH managed to persuade FIL to contact GP early yesterday morning. No idea who FIL spoke to at the surgery, but he was given a list of phone numbers. That's all. Could he have expected any further guidance/ help? The ones he managed to ring could not help. A couple of MIL's friends helped her our yesterday. Not ideal as the youngest is mid-70s. DH will get there this morning and try to get through the rest of the phone numbers FIL was given. Feel in limbo really

OP posts:

bb888 · 10/02/2016 08:02

Its not surprising that that happened - some people who have posted are in areas where the GP seems to have some enhanced access to Social Care, but thats definitely not the case everywhere.

If your DH looks at the phone numbers try and find the one thats called something like an Access or First Contact team. Or if not is there a number for an older peoples team?

You could probably get started on it before travelling by phoning the number for the local council, asking to get put forward to Social Services and then asking them what the procedure is - the ways into the service will vary depending on location, but if they tell you what the access points are then you can hopefully start on that.

CMOTDibbler · 10/02/2016 08:12

It takes ages to get a SS assessment, so in terms of looking after MIL you are going to have to book (and pay for) carers through an agency. I've just googled home care before and then rung round.
Carers won't cook a meal, but will heat something up so you'll need to order some nuke from frozen meals. Wiltshire farm foods aren't the most thrilling meals, but are great in this situation as they are delivered straight to the freezer and they are complete meals.

For care once your FIL is discharged, then this will be arranged by the hospital social worker before he is discharged. But you'll need to make sure the ward staff know just how bad mil is, and exactly how much you can or can't do.

Original poster

DapperDame · 10/02/2016 08:24

Ok, thank you, I will pass that on (DH traveling atm).

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PoppieD · 10/02/2016 23:03

How did you get on? You can also Google the local authority's webpage and they usually will have an explanation of the services that they will assess for, other names can be rapid response team or intermediate care and enablement service.

Original poster

DapperDame · 11/02/2016 19:28

Hello poppie, DH is there atm. Apparently it will all have to be done through the hospital now s that is where fil now is. Seems to be lots of parcel-pushing and passing of responsibility to others... I haven't spoken to dh today yet so we will see what transpires. It all feels like a total soup of buck-passing.

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