I could scream!

[SorryCantBeArsed]

More of a rant than anything so I'm sorry
This week I've had my step mum to stay for a couple of days, I took her to look at a sheltered housing flat that's to rent. It's only two miles from me so fairly handy though it's not an area that she really knows
It was lovely and she liked it though slightly worried about not knowing her way around. She has Alzheimer's so would need support but where she lives now is far far from ideal and she wants to move and keeps saying she doesn't want to spend the winter thee. The house doesn't need to be sold as she is more than able to pay rent and any bills for the foreseeable future.
This morning she rings me to say in her diary says an estate agent is coming to value the house. Turns out one of my step brothers has arranged two to go and value it unbeknown to me or my other step brother. He's also booked a viewing at some trendy apartment not far from where she lives. They are as unsuitable as you can get. She needs mimimum sheltered preferably extra care housing though they are hard to come by
Honestly a man with no eyes could see she couldn't cope! He doesn't do anything practical to help her and if God forbid she moved in there it would be me and my other step brother who'd have to sort out the crap.

Sounds like you've made some very positive headway. I spoke from personal experience. I care for both of my parents my DSis never steps up just says 'I don't know what to do' . I got so exhausted I simply informed her I was going away and she needed to step up. Told my parents to contact her that week. DH took me away for a much needed rest. It was hard for me not to check on them but my SIS now knows what to do and has a better understanding of how hard it can be.

Tuesday I received a phone call from dsm new care provider, the message was to arrange a welcome meeting before her care starts on the 16 th and could I ring back to arrange a day! when I spoke to them the first thing I did was to ask how they had my number, the lady was quite taken aback, she said it was from social services though it seems odd that as I've passed on sb details to social services and it wa eventually sb who contacted them to sort out the new care provider for dsm. I explained that I've passed on dsm care to my sb and gave them his number. Worried also that dsm moves tomorrow but from the message saying for the care to start on the 16th, she will be without any care for two days.
It turns out that my sbs haven't got a landline installed at the new flat but are going to see how she gets on with a mobile, a tiny little pay as you go thing! She has two tiny phones, ones a flip thing. Neither has she been able to master. I spent hours going through both with her and I'm talking a year ago , putting how to use notes in her diary, but she still had to type the numbers in rather than use the contacts. It didn't matter so much as it was only for occasional use, house phone not working or if she was stuck when out and about. I'd had to set up top up payments on my card for her because she wasn't able to do this herself. She kept losing the chargers, just after last Christmas the house phone wasn't working so she asked her neighbour to help her with the mobile, and then she kept ringing me to say it needed charging! I'd put the charger in her handbag but it had gone walk about but she couldn't remember what it looked like. I'm having to bite my lip with this kind of thing, I'm full of cold and feeling lousy so I'm not at my best but! Is it really such a great idea to just wait and see how she gets on with a mobile?

Mince pie I'm tempted to say you must let go of these practical things and consistently hand things back to the SBS. They will not do everything logically or even competently but one thing i've learnt with my demented Dad is there are few perfect solutions to all the challenges dementia throws at you. The main thing is they are in the picture, and you are backing off. Sorry if this comes across as blunt.

Thanks. I don't think it's blunt but honest. I think that having gone through so much with my dad and having to pick up for dsm by myself I'm maybe a bit unreasonable with my expectactions. Both sbs are in their forties so aren't kids. I just thought they'd have a bit more wit, like making sure dsm would have carers starting immediately, sorting a house phone and arranging a new doctor and pharmacy before she moved.
I think as well if I'm honest that I feel quite sad. My poor dad is in full time care and dsm is moving away from the family home, not through choice but need.

Mince the whole thing is sad. I am struggling a lot at the moment myself, my dad is in hospital, he has deteriorated hugely in the last few weeks and it;s unsure whether he'll come home. To top it all, it's the 21st anniversary of my mum dying suddenly.
Just wondering about your SBS- I wonder whether incompetence sometimes can be a strategy "see I'm not very good at this, someone else please do it". Hopefully when they realise the responsibility lies with them they'll sharpen their act a little.
Be kind to yourself you've been through a lot.
PS have you NCd?

So sorry to hear about your dad. It's horrible to watch.
I forgot about the nc, a Christmas one.
My sbs are an odd pair, the youngest does care and will try to help dsm but by his own admission he isn't keen on medical matters or official things. The other sb couldn't really give a flying f about much other than money, harsh but true.

And this morning at 6.50 I get a phone call from the care phone people to say the temperature alarm has gone off. Apparently they sent a car to check on dsm but the key wasn't in the keysafe and there was no answer from the door or phone so they rang me. It turns out that my sbs moved dsm yesterday, though didn't think to let me know. I'd already told the care phone people as they'd called me two weeks ago regarding changing a battery,that dsm was moving today, and had given them sb numbers. It seems now that the maintenance is outsourced to a different company so hadn't been passed on.
I had to ring one sb straight away to find out where dsm was. He wasn't too happy as I woke him up so I explained that I'd been told if I couldn't go over or get someone else there ASAP they would call the police and they would force entry!

Oh dear! Where did they move her to? And did the alarm go off because the temperature fell below a certain threshold?

She's moved into a sheltered housing flat. Supposed to have moved today but they did it yesterday instead. Yes the alam went off because there was no heating on so the temperature had dropped. Dsm rang me this morning and left a message, she sounded absolutely lost but because she only has a mobile which she can't use that well, when I rang her she couldn't answer it. At just after five I got another call from the care phone people, another alarm! The system hadn't been updated with either dsm having moved or sb number added, they were very apologetic. This was followed by a call from the short term care team from the council. They couldn't get entry to the flats as the intercom system isn't working and they no phone number for dsm. Yet again having to explain that I'm not the contact they need and padding sb phone numbers on. It's like knitting fog, trying to sort this lot out.
Dsm has managed to ring me, she seems to be able toake calls but not answer them although she wasn't sure who'd shed phoned. Didn't really make much sense but wanted someone to go as she couldn't change the TV channel. God love her