Obviously we'll be speaking to the hospital, but I wondered if anyone had experience and knew what we might expect. Sorry this is long. I've specified we're in N.I. as healthcare and social care are integrated here, but tbh I'm on a very steep learning curve!
Mum (86) was rushed to hospital last week following a seizure. They initially thought it would be fatal, but she has made astonishing progress and is now on a rehab ward. She is physically weak but has no paralysis (it wasn't a stroke as we had feared), and may get more of her strength back. More concerningly, she has periods of confusion/obstreporousness (shouting, fighting to get out of bed, pulling at wires). A brain scan showed some damage, probably due to hypoxia, and there may be long term cognitive issues.
Mum already did have some cognitive issues. She was vulnerable/childish, and whilst not diagnosed that we know of, we believe that a serious accident in her 20s caused some brain damage. She's been like it for as long as we can remember, but it has worsened with age. She had been coping in her own home, but not independently. She had lots of support from myself and my sister, who live nearby. Practical stuff like cooking, cleaning, driving, etc. as she could do none of that for herself. She has never been able to handle finances, forms, etc., so we've always done that since Dad died, although we don't have POA. She has very few assets and lives in a privately rented bungalow receiving Housing Benefit. TBH I worried that we were masking her existing difficulties, and before this crisis I'd been trying to persuade dsis that she needed some sort of capacity assessment. This will obviously now be needed following the seizure.
She is definitely worse than she was before, and I really don't foresee that after discharge she'll be able to be alone, especially overnight. We are under pressure from extended family to take her in (neither of us has space), or take turns to stay with her in her own house, as they do with their own mother. But there are eight of them and only two of us. We've both been happy to support her on the level that we'd been doing, but neither of us has the scope to help her full-time due to existing issues with work/health/family.
The answer might be some kind of residential or very sheltered care. But part of Mum's previous issues involved being constantly unsettled in the place where she lived, always wanting to move house. Since Dad died 13 years ago she's moved 6 times, no sooner arrived in a new place than finding fault and looking for the next one. We've been constantly driving her to view flats and houses (often 2 or 3 a week), which she mostly turns down for reasons like an unemptied wheelie bin left from the previous tenant. We can't just refuse to do this as she then makes her own way, hands over deposits, signs up for unsuitable houses - her current one is a badly maintained bungalow with a massive garden, which is on the market - and announces that she's moving on Monday. This has happened more than once, and Dsis and I have to drop everything and organise the move, cleaning, paperwork, etc. Mum meanwhile packs her cuddly toys into a bag and sets them out in the new place.
So we were already in a situation that wasn't tenable for anyone involved. It's actually only with the change of her being in hospital that we can step back and realise just how bad things had got.
Mum will definitely not want any residential care, and is likely to be unsettled and disruptive in any setting, constantly wanting to get out. She is also liable to tell anyone who asks that she is fine, and that her daughters will look after her. She has no understanding of the effect this has already been having on us, even before the new brain damage. We love her so much. We want her to be safe and happy, but truly can't give up any more of our own lives. We're worn out already with the way she was before.
Does anyone have advice on the most likely/best outcome for everyone involved?