Respite worries

[Ludoole]

Dads going into respite on Wednesday for a week (he has advanced alzheimers). Mum and i are so desperate for the break but we are worried that he will be frightened all week. Hes clingy with mum and me and insists on one of us being with him all the time.
We feel awful that he is having to go but we really need the break as we havent had a break from this in 8 years.

I think the fact that you both need a break desperately says it all. Yes it probably wouldn 't be his choice to go into respite for a week. However if that enables you and your mum to recharge your batteries a little, then in the wider scheme of things I would say that is a very good deal for him. Don't waste a minute feeling guilty.

It's only a Week, if you don't go then your ability to look after him long term could be effected then he could End up in care much sooner.

Do you have friends who could pop in and visit him while your away? I imagine your pre-sick dad would have wanted you both to look after yourselves too. Don't feel guilty focus on spending quality time with your mum and recovering a little yourselves.

Leave him and go please. He is unlikely to have the mental capacity to pine for you for long - see it more like dropping a 2-3yr old at nursery.

A good respite will whisk him away and have him settled in an activity ( or, it seemed with dad - food/drink!) before you are out of the door.

ASk respite how they cope if he asks about/for you. Ours have a lot of good strategies, again quite like you'd use with small children "she'll be back soon, have you seen what Dots got on the TV ... " or even ( and apparently if they start asking about their Mum ) " We haven't seen her for a while " , which saves the awful repeat bereavement feelings if they forget she's dead.

the think that really helped with dad was to keep him going to the day centre at the respite unit 2x week ( if he wanted to or not LOL) so when the next urgent respite cam round he was going somewhere familiar.

Hugs for you all.

Thankyou for your replies. I think we were just too emotionally involved to be objective Hopefully the weeks rest will enable us to keep him at home in the long term.
Spent a long time scrubbing the bathroom today after he managed to get poo everywhere... on the seat, floor, sink and on himself... Will be nice not to have to deal with THAT for a while!!
Thankyou again Ive taken all your good points onboard and will share them with mum when dad takes a nap.