I live in Ireland as single mum with two children.
My grandfather (GF) was admitted to hospital (second hospitalization in recent months) a few weeks ago.
Very sadly my mum, his daughter, passed away last week (I was estranged from my mum but am close to my grandfather).
My grandfather seems heartbroken and is deeply grieving, I felt he will go soon from a broken heart.
However the hospital plan to discharge him to a care home, rather than home to his own home.
Because of my estrangement, I'm not sure how much 2 other relatives (his son-in-law and other grandchild) are visiting or involved in decision-making about his future, though I can ask the hospital. They live some distance away (>100 miles) anyway and will be arranging funeral for my mum etc.
I can't bear the thought of my grandfather adjusting to new environment of care home and grieving so deeply and being pretty much alone.
I don't know to what extent my presence would help but he has benefited from our visits (twice now) they have lifted his spirits and we've been able to do quite a bit practically.
I even wanted him to consider being discharged to a care home over here in Ireland but I think he would not want to leave England and also I think he is no longer fit to fly.
So I am thinking of relocating to England for a few months to settle him into the care home - and just be there for him - which will take a fair bit of arranging as my eldest DC will need to change schools for those few months and we will likely to have to pay double rent to keep place here.
Financially I can just afford to do it.
All sorts of unknowns are in my head though
- what if he goes just before we arrive / very soon after (still worth temporarily relocating I think)
- what if he does recover somewhat after grieving so heavily - then will it be hard / impossible for us to leave in a few months' time (I really do not want to relocate permanently)
Also I will have to steer clear of other side of family if they are involved or visiting (abuse history so for my sanity and personal safety)...this could become hard. It might also potentially cause my GF stress, although so far the nursing staff have been very helpful here.
My work is computer based so I can work anywhere, thankfully.
Also as I have never cared for an elderly relative before, I'm just not sure what it all means. Who decides on a care home for him, who pays for it, can he ever go home (I'm guessing not if he is so frail and not likely to get better as he has a degree of heart failure), etc. etc.
I'm feeling as though I really want to do something - phone calls don't really work to keep an eye on him and it's so costly to have short trips over although that is the other alternative, but they are brief as I can't leave my young children here when I go over so we have to go over a weekend. I feel I will be more useful in keeping an eye on him, being there as emotional support etc. if we go say Easter til end Summer (if he makes it through these next few weeks) but just don't know what's for the best really - so much to factor in.
Has anyone else been in a similar position and found a way forward?
Add message | Report | Message poster PastaDecor Sun 08-Mar-15 22:11:17
And regarding my worry about not being able to leave after several months above, I feel that I would be able to stick to my guns there somehow and perhaps ensure that his old friends from his village are visiting regularly and that good care is in place before leaving...so that it wouldn't feel like deserting him...