And in the ongoing car crash black comedy that is my life .....

[Theas18]

Lovely FIL. Admitted to hospital yesterday with perforated bowel that the OOH GP treated as a UTI. ....

He's not so old so hopefully will be fine but noone has said why yet.....

Was I so very bad in a past life?

I don't know what else has happened to you, sorry. But it's probably worse for him than it is for you.

I know majestic, of course it is ....

but since January my father survived pneumonia just, my mother then died of renal failure and recently betwixt her dying and now dad has narrowly avoided another admission (which given his being 91 and frail/ recently bereaved and having dementia , would like have finished him off) .

I posted here for a bit of support not on AIBU....

thias , I'm right there with you.
My lovely, lovely dad died in January last year, then my equally lovely step-dad died in September.
My fil is in hospital with his fifth stroke in oooooh maybe 5 months.
The first 4 were mini-strokes and he was incredibly lucky, but he has refused to make any lifestyle changes and is now suffering incredibly for that

We are hoping against hope that he will take it seriously now.

Sorry for loss of your mum. Sounds like it's really difficult for you and sorry, I didn't mean to be unsupportive. I just didn't quite get the context.

Sorry to hear about all that is hitting you. With elderly relatives it can seem like buses coming along. At one stage we had DFIL in one hospital and DMIL in another.

I am sure you are doing your best. Look after yourself too.

Blimey Theas you really are having a traumatic time, I'm so sorry . Thinking of you lots and sending as much strength as I possibly can for your FIL & DF. How's your DH coping?

FIL who came to Mum's funeral yesterday was looking awful - he has tumours in his liver/stomach, problems with his gall bladder & bilirubin levels must be sky high as he looked extremely jaundiced. We think PILs have been not telling us everything because of Mum. I also have a cousin terminally ill, & DB1's MIL has a huge tumour in her bowel & had emergency surgery the night before they flew over on Saturday.

Is it our age? Suddenly everyone around me seems to have cancer, or their parents / aunts / uncles are coming to the end of their lives.

Look after yourself, unmumsnetty hugs coming your way. Have you got any holiday or outings booked to look forward too, even if it's a few months away? I'm a real believer in getting things on the calendar so I've got something nice to plan for.

Thea
I know the feeling
Mums had bowel cancer (survived )
Dad has prostate cancer and advanced alzheimers (hes an absolute nightmare at the moment..)
Dp is terminally ill.

Sometimes i irrationally wonder what the hell have i done so wrong that life keeps piling the crap on the people i love...

Take care

Theas.

How are you doing atm?

Thea that is really tough.
I wonder whether old age, illness and a feeling of responsibility for one's aged parents/ relatives have always been there, just not talked about much especially in the 20th century because other feminist/ individualist/ youth culture etc naratives have been around. Not to knock feminism obviously, I am a feminist.So when it does happen ,one feels quite isolated. Society is waking up to this I think due to sheer demographic pressures, but for a long time I suspect it's just been swept away from the cultural agenda. Sorry you probably don't come on here for a philosophy seminar! And frankly when I had to support my grandad threough Parkinsons then cancer, and then Dad developped dementia shortly after DGD's death (both widowers, no none else to pick up the pieces), I also wondered why I was being punished.

Is it our age? Suddenly everyone around me seems to have cancer, or their parents / aunts / uncles are coming to the end of their lives.

Are people just loving longer these days? Is(n't) modern medicine a marvellous thing?!

Life can be so horrible.

Thinking of you, Thea, and Loddle(?) especially, (sorry can't see original name when writing post). I've been there, and it is so very, very difficult. But on the plus side, after nearly two years, things are starting to look up, and I'm starting to feel like myself again. (On the downside, the weight I'd lost through stress is piling back on again.....in an odd way, I suppose I should be pleased about this?)

thanks all.

it might just be my age, but i reckon I'm too young really lol. My parents are almost a generation older that DHs (mum was 86 and dad is 91) Dh parents are only early 70s . Mum was nearly 40 when she had me.

Ludoole and PPB I'm so sorry you are also surrounded by illness.

FIL doing well. They aren't going to look into "why" unless it happens again , which seems very wrong though and I've suggested they pursue it privately to get some answers as the can afford it.

CMOT me .... I dunno, I'm doing a lot of " doing" and fidgeting /worrying that things will go wrong at the funeral. Latest issue is Dad has nothing to wear that fits :( I sort of feel I should feel, well more, somehow.

I went into work briefly to try and sort out my email issues- the 1st time I've even been near really and it felt very odd, I just hid in my room and left quietly. Still not sorted so I'll have to try again tomorrow.

I don't know how I'm going to cope when I'm back but I don't have to think about that yet.

Hi Theas - I had a morning back at work before the funeral and it was very difficult, like you I hid in an office and snuck out before I had to speak to too many people. But somehow, for me, now that the funeral is over, it's a bit easier.

All the 'doing' you're doing is leading up to saying goodbye to your Mum - that was all-consuming for me & I found it very difficult to concentrate on anything other than the arrangements, propping up DF, liaising with DBs, thinking constantly about the day. My mind was totally preoccupied, the outside world didn't really make any sense and no-one 'out there' knew what I was going through, which seemed really unfair and disorientating. A bit like racing around one minute and wading through treacle the next. (Does any of that make any sense?!)

Don't worry about not feeling something, just do what you need to do. The feelings will come and go when they need to. I did a lot of grieving for mum before she died, then a lot of organising after, now I'm on more of an even keel. I'm wondering if I will go under at some point, but I've told myself there's no point waiting for it to happen, just let things take their course. Everyone is different and don't beat yourself up if you don't react the same way as someone else, or how you think you should react

thinking of you