Dad with terminal cancer. Hold my hand please

[Loveallmyboys]

Diagnosed almost a year ago now. No more treatment just palliative care.
Got to him this morning and from what u can tell, he's taken far too many pain meds and anxiety meds. Hes talking jibberish, eyes rolling in his head and very sleepy. Gp is on his way do me and my DS(18 weeks) are just kind of sat here waiting.
This is horrible. Where's my big strong dad gone?!

Holding your hand Loveallmyboys. This is the worst - losing a parent. Best you can do is hold his hand and tell him you love him and why you love him. Say anything you might regret not saying. And then try to accept, hard as that might be, that he is moving on. Be peaceful around him in order to allow him some peace at this stage of his life. Accept whatever he says to you (if comprehensible). Don't fight him. He is and will always be your precious dad and no one can take that away xxx

How are things now? What did GP say?

I'm so sorry. Hope the GP has been helpful

He's more 'with it' tonight. Gp checked him over and just said to let him sleep it off. I had to leave after a few hours because he's a smoker. He died t smoke while the kids are there but it's always in the air. Don't like DS being there too long as he's so little. He's bf too so has to come with me everywhere!
My mum is going to stay over with him tonight. They've been divorced 15 years so she's going above and beyond! Just wish I could stay over to look after him. But I have 3 kids to think of!
Thanks ladies, for the messages xx

I'm sorry. Are you in touch with Marie Curie nurses, etc. as your dad lives by himself there may well come a time when he needs nursing care.

In my dads last few weeks we had night nurses provided. As well as hospice care workers visiting 3x a day.

So sorry. Good advice from others- Macmillan or your local hospice can help. Please look after yourself.

Oh you poor dear. I'm so sorry you're going through this. As other posters have suggested, please get a hospice nurse on board. Is your mum his carer? Who used to go to his appointments with him as they can contact the doctor or consultant and ask for a hospice nurse to attend. He/she will help him with pain relief. They are often more knowledgeable than the gps in what will work and they are fantastically supportive. My husband is ill and we would be lost without his hospice nurse. She arranged for him to go into a hospice for help to sort out his pain meds and deal with other complications. Good luck sweetheart and make the most of your time with him instead of thinking too far ahead. I've been guilty of doing this myself.

How are you doing Op? I hope you're managing to sleep and that your dad is comfortable.

He's still refusing to let any carers come in, other than me and occasionally, my mum. His bed was delivered today and that's in the living room as he can't manage the stairs anymore. He's struggling with all these sudden 'old person' additions to his life. Commode, panic alarms, hospital-style bed downstairs. All the things my nana(his mum) ended up with. My dad, up until 6 years ago, had a fantastic and rewarding career and gas always been a very independent and proud man. So dealing with all this has really hit him(and me) quite hard
Thanks so much for all your messages x

I hope you had a better day yesterday and a decent nights sleep.
The hospice nurse does not do hands on care. She/he helps with getting the right level and type of pain relief and keeps an eye out for any new symptoms. you don't have wait until your father is near the end. We would be lost without our nurse. If you can persuade him to allow one to visit she/he may be able to coax him into having carers later on. Ask him to allow a visit to see what she/he is like and let him know he can say no if he doesn't like her/him. Also ask him if he wants you spending your time doing the care or would he not rather that you were doing something nice together. As he deteriates he's going to need more physical care and you don't want to leave it until he has no choice in who comes in. If he gets to know the cares now while he's able then it will be less difficult for him later. You and your mother can only cope for so long.

The mac nurse has been a few times and has hinted to him about carers but he just digs his heels in and says 'we' are coping just fine. 'We' are not!
He doesn't go out, hasn't for some time now. He doesn't eat. Hasn't eaten since November

Just adding a supportive hug here

thanks theas

You need to be cruel to be kind and tell him that you're not coping, otherwise you'll end up having a breakdown. I've told my husband that if he accepts that we need carers then I can get on with jobs around the house while they help him, then it means I can sit and spend quality time with him instead of being simply being his carer. What would happen if you or your mother does your back in?

I know. I've sort of distanced myself the past couple of days in the hope he realises he does need proper help. He gets really breathless now with the slightest exertion. Gp is coming out to see him today

How's it going OP? Hope your dad is accepting some help and that you are OK. Sending supportive thoughts & a your way