had a bit of a weepy day (me)

[stottiecake]

my mum has alzheimer's - she was diagnosed 3 years ago. she has very little short term memory but is living independantly with several weekly pop ins from me my brother my dh and her neighbour. She is 80 and a kind and selfless soul, loved by many and her greatest wish is never to 'become a burden'. I go to college 3 days aweek - currently off for half term so doing a spot of homework - researching the 1950s. I had spoken to my mum about her days as a ballroom dancer and decided to look up the dance hall where she competed. I found a pathe film of her dancing with her team from 1951. such excitement! my dh quickly popped it on a dvd and we rushed round. she was stunned and thrilled to see her 17yo self, slim and graceful quick stepping with her partner around the ballroom. I told her I would write an account for her in her diary as she can't work the dvd player and I knew she would forget about it. we are doing some stills from the film so she can recognise some friends I hope. the awful thing is when I looked in her diary she had written something upsetting about how she has been feeling (was going to say but feels like betrayal) actually I can't say. I feel so so sad. almost grieving. watching her dance, my mum, young with all of her life ahead of her and then knowing how she's feeling now. its so tough. as she always says 'this getting old business - I wish id never joined'

It is incredibly tough, and I think sometimes the hardest times are when you are reminded of the vibrant person your loved one was, and the terrible comparison to how they are now.

Last week I was in a town where I used to be able to buy second hand books which you couldn't get in the UK, and my mum and nana loved me going there. I'd bring home my suitcase stuffed full.
But now, nana is dead and mum hasn't read for a year. It was her birthday while I was away, and I'd sent her a toddler 'press the button for music' book which she was playing over and over and over apparently.
The contrast of my memories and reality was awful, but at least my mum isn't aware of it.

I'm so sorry to read that Cmot; that's so sad. Its a dreadful thing watching a loved one suffer with dementia. My mum is completely aware of what's happening to her and she gets distressed about it. I try hard to remember what it felt like to be her daughter before she became ill. it feels like our roles have reversed. I do miss my mum I have learnt to live more day to day as the future feels very frightening

Stottie. My mum was quite depressed last summer, but much happier now as she becomes less aware of what she has lost. Before that we had an angry aggressive phase when she was desperately clinging to her independence and blaming all and sundry for things that went wrong.

I have gone through a few phases of mourning the person she was.

Like CMOT I am getting better at spotting things she enjoys. A coffee at a beach cafe in the sunshine usually works. She likes watching babies and dogs. She hates changes to her routine and surprises, so I can almost guarantee she will be grumpy when I take her to the doctors, etc. It is still possible to have some good times. But it is still very difficult. Do join up on the longer thread. We all have our ups and downs, and it is a good place to let off steam.

thank you needmoresleep (can relate to that!!) My mum is definitely more down during winter as the garden is her pride and joy! at the moment it is lacking in colour so planning to take a boot full of primroses round tomorrow afternoon to show her spring is just around the corner! she loves fish and chips and visits to gardens. she will be so much happier when she can get out. I shall have a look for the thread you mentioned and say hello!