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Elderly parents

Hate to say this but can't stand my ILs

2 replies

youngatheart1 · 22/01/2015 14:35

Please don't slate me I am just being honest. My IL's are hell, I do not want to do anything for them, can't bear being near them but must try for my DH's sake. My MIL has made my life hell for over 30 years, hated me on the spot and told me so, tried to stop our wedding and only tolerates me because I have a DS, her own daughters have moved as far away as they can as she has made their lifes miserable the only one not treated like crap is her DS. He does know what she is like and now she needs me I can't be there for her. I am not cruel I do the weekly shop online and occasionally take them out, have set up repeat prescriptions, milk, cleaner etc but that is about as much as I want to do. Not sure if it is because I am getting older and cannot bear to end up the same, but MIL is so cruel, manipulative and vindictive, great to strangers crap to her family and this is not an age thing, it is how she has always been. My FIL is more bearable but rude and say's/does nothing apart from what he is told to do. They are housebound through choice as FIL can no longer drive and MIL won't take public transport, that is unless she wants to go out for dinner and then that is ok. I work part time and have a DS doing Exams at present so cannot do everything she want's so she has started asking her cleaner to do everything and when told this was wrong said she got a box of chocs at xmas what more does she want. I have to try to find a way around this negative feeling as they get older as I am going to be left doing everyone. Her own DM was left to rot because she did not want to give up her time and help but expects everyone to help her. I hate feeling this way but know it will be hard to change. Am I alone feeling this way?

OP posts:
outtahell · 22/01/2015 14:49

Stop being a bloody doormat for the nasty bitch. If the only person they are kind to is their DS then let him worry about them. If he can't/won't, time to browse some homes/carers with them. Old and vulnerable. is not the same as nice.

Lottapianos · 22/01/2015 14:51

Loads of sympathy OP. I struggle with my ILs too. MIL is really not in great health and is showing possible early signs of dementia, and I have no motivation to get involved in her care at all. She's a nasty, emotionally manipulative woman who is angry with her son for growing up and treats him like crap.

When people get older and iller, we're supposed to feel sorry for them, and caring towards them,but real life is just not that simple. I am not a loving, devoted saint and I'm not a martyr either. I don't have any answers for you I'm afraid, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

You say you are going to be left doing everything - where is your husband in all this? They are his parents and the caring responsibiliities should certainly not fall only on your shoulders.

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