Advice needed, please. This is going to come out all of a jumble, as ?I am not really sure where to start.
Mother in law is about 83 years old, and is poorly. She has been in hospital for the past 6 weeks with a lung infection. Prior to this she has been in and out of hospital over the past year following infections (she had pneumonia over the summer), falls, etc. I think she has spent more time in hospital than at home. Her partner died about 3 years ago, and before his death I think he had really looked after her - she has a broken arm (broken many years ago, never healed and she refuses to let "them" operate on it, so that really affects her mobility.
Hospital are currently trying to prepare her for her return home. She lives alone in a warden assisted flat. We live about 4 hours away, her other children have emigrated to Australia/New Zealand. Unfortunately the hospital report that she is still confused (for example she is looking forward to going home, but thinks she will be returning to the house she lived in 20 years ago with my husband. I personally have watched a decline in her mental faculties over the past 10 years, and am convinced that she has some form of dementia/Alzheimers. The hospital say it may be the after effects of the lung disease. Which may be making it worse - but we are talking about someone who when well cannot remember how to put on a seat belt, etc - things she has done competently for many many years.) The hospital also say that she is making no effort to look after herself. She finds it difficult to do some things (ie get out of bed unaided) and so instead of trying or asking for her, she just lies there until someone comes to do it for her. Apparently their response to this is that SS will be sending someone into the flat 4 times a day to get her up/put her in bed and they will provide her with a hospital bed. We were phoned yesterday by the hospital and asked what we wanted to do with her current bed - would we want to store it or get rid of it. I am extremely concerned that they don't think her capable of making decisions like that, and yet want her to move home and live, housebound, alone.
I don't know what we should do. We have told her she would be welcome to move in with us (we have a large house with a suitable downstairs room and a downstairs bathroom - we chose this house specifically because it would be suitable if she needed to come to us). Prior to her illness she was clearly lonely and unhappy, but unable to make the admittedly huge decision about taking a step like that. Which is fine - I get that it would be a very difficult transition for her. However, I am now wondering if we should take the decision out of her hands. Should we just override her as far as possible (OK - not drag her kicking and screaming, but you know...) and move her here. We could tell her that she is just coming until she "feels better able to manage" - and of course if she does ever reach that stage, then she would be able to go back home. But I don't think she will.
I cannot bear the thought of her being shut in her flat day in and day out at the mercy of carers who come and go when they feel like it. And 'I don't know what to do.