Giving up driving

[MaudantWit]

It is almost certain that my elderly parents will have to give up their car because my father (the only driver) will fail the vision test. This will have enormous repercussions for their daily life. They have other health problems which make public transport difficult for them and they rely heavily on the car to take them door to door. I can do a certain amount of ferrying them about and there is a neighbourhood minibus which takes older people to a local supermarket. Selling the car would release some money for taxies when necessary (although I know they won't be keen on that).

I have (gently) pointed out to them that if my father does fail the test, then it is for their safety and that of other people that he should stop driving but, understandably perhaps, this has come as a bombshell and they are fixating on how limited their daily life will be.

I imagine many other people have gone through this. Are there any other options I have overlooked? Any other advice?

We had to take the keys away a year ago as my FIL was just too dangerous and having diabetes could not feel his feet. I will honestly say it was not easy, my MIL is still going on about it to this day, they too have lots of health problems and refuse to use local buses, they have just about got used to taxi's but both are really stubborn and will take a taxi on a Sunday for dinner out each week, but refuse point blank to go shopping so I do that each week via Online shopping, I try to explain if they can go out for dinner they can go to the shops, but to no avail. They both have numerous hospital appointments and refuse to use hospital transport, not because they can't but MIL does not want to sit with strangers. After making us feel guilty that they could not get to these appointment my DH said if I take you it is no different than using a taxi and they realised as we could not be there for all these things they have to help themselves. Sorry to be negative but my MIL is really really needy and as they refuse to help themselves they have become very housebound. If your parents are more independent then they will find a way, taxi's, buses, hospital transport etc, it must be difficult not to be able to do these things for themselves and always be reliant on others, but if possible please try to get them to see this a new chapter in their life as my inlaws have rapidly gone down hill just sitting and sleeping. Good luck

Thank you for sharing your experiences. Much of what you describe I can easily foresee happening with my parents. I am hoping that if my father does fail the test, they will start to think about finding ways to continue going to places, but at the moment it's all doom and gloom.

We found someone to buy dad's car. We got rid of it in the winter as 'we didn't want him driving in the snow and we could always retax it after the weather picks up'

Could your parents manage a mobility scooter? My parents can get around their small town on theirs, and the fact that they can go right into the supermarket makes a big difference to their lives. Dad (who can drive but can't walk) has a more powerful one, mum (who has dementia and no license now) a smaller, slower one.
To go to the main hospital, dad uses the local volunteer car service which is cheaper than a taxi, and they wheel you to the clinic.

Thank you.

It's early days yet, but neither of them has ever been receptive to the idea of needing or using aids of any sort. A mobility scooter could be ideal for getting to the neighbourhood shops, but I'm not sure they would countenance it.

I'm also not sure whether the hospital where they have the majority of their appointments has a volunteer car service. I must investigate that.

Be careful how much you start running around with them. Unless they are particularly hard up or struggle with mobility, I would encourage buses and taxis. My IL's drive me mad. When FIL was unable to drive to hospital appointments following a knee op, they trawled up and down the street, asking working neighbours who could help out. They have pots of money for taxis. It was embarrassing.

My dad had this to say on his scooter 'I thought that using one was saying I was a cripple. But its not, it lets me enjoy being out and stopping to chat to people, and I was a fool to not use it sooner' - he is a huge advocate of them now!

The volunteer car service is a local thing, not attached to the hospital. You pay a little over the cost of petrol iirc. They go to 'hospitals, surgeries, day centres and social visits'

Thanks again.

They do have mobility issues which mean that taxis would be a better option than buses. The only volunteer driving service nearby that I know of is the one that goes to the supermarket, but it's a major hospital and so I'm now wondering whether there is any other scheme that covers it.

My MIL & FIL have recently decided themselves to give up driving at 86 and 89. They live in a hamlet which is 1 1 /2 miles from the nearest village (which has a shop and a PO) and 5 miles from the nearest town.
MIL has been doing OnLine shopping for her bulky shopping through Ocado for years so that helps. They sold their car for a few grand and found themselves a taxi firm. They sensibly worked out that they can get a lot of taxis for the money that they got from the car sale.

If they need to go further afield to hospital appointments (main hospital approx 28 miles away) then either BIL or SIL or Niece who all live within a few miles and are retired, will take them.

It sounds as if your parents in law have managed their situation well, bigbluebus. My parents are in a very urban area (which helps) but have no computer and no idea how to do internet shopping (which doesn't).

My parents have been in a similar situation for several years, but without the option of public transport in their area.

They use a combination of taxis (it helps that they have a small local family firm, with just two drivers they know and trust, and who they can pre-book for hospital appointments - worth trying to find something similar for your parents?); asking more mobile friends for lifts, particularly to social events the friends are also going to; online supermarket shopping; and their cleaning lady also takes them out shopping quite often - in fact she and my mother quite enjoy it, they stop off for a coffee and sandwich or cake as well.

And of course I help out too, but I think we all realise it is not a good idea for them to become totally dependent on me because of my other commitments, and for when I am away and so on.

Maudan My DM doesn't do computers either and cannot get out by herself. I do her internet shopping on my computer (she tells me what she wants on the phone) and Tesco deliver it to her. (I live 75 miles away)It is something I can do in the evening whilst sitting in front of the TV so isn't an inconvenience. She has a lovely NDN who gets her bits and bobs from M&S foodhall every week.

Oh yes, that might be an option for us, but I (wrongly) thought that your mother was doing her own internet ordering. I know plenty of older people are online, but my parents very definitely aren't.

Maudant It's my MIL who has given up driving and does her own internet shopping. My Mother, on the other hand, has never driven and neither has she ever used a computer. She was left high and dry when my DF died 14 months ago - as he did both! She has become very reliant on us unlike ILs who are quite self sufficient.
Sorry for the confusion.

Thanks for the further posts. Bigbluebus - I think the confusion was mine. There's lots going on this week and some of the nuances are getting lost (by me). 2fedup - you may be right about the mobility scooter, although I was thinking that the much slower speed would give him longer to react. Anyway, I'm quite sure he'd never want one, so it's all rather academic.

My dad likes internet shopping by proxy too He's a firm believer in ebay and Amazon, and Amazon Prime lets you have things delivered to other addresses next day for free too. Its amazing what they stock, and have saved my bacon a number of times, even for random things like crutches, incontinence pads and urine bottles.
I have done online food shops for them as well, inc filling the freezer with Wiltshire Farm meals for emergencies, but dad likes popping out everyday for a basket full.

Milk delivery can also be a good way of getting groceries as they leave a leaflet which you tick things off on and then put out