How to cope with difficult parents.

[sands42]

My mum is in her 80's now. She has been on her own for 6 years after my dad died. They were married for over 50 years. She is quite healthy and still able to do everything for herself but I know she is lonely and depressed.

The problem is her behaviour is driving people away. She has become so awkward and argumentative that no one wants to spend time with her. She seems to enjoy making nasty comments and trying to cause arguments. Some of the things she says can be really horrible, she had an argument with a friend of hers she used to see regularly and has never seen them again and they had been friends most of their lives. I have no idea what was said but they have cut all contact with her so it must have been bad.

I care about her a lot and we spend a lot of time together. Her grandchildren love her and would do anything for her but it has got to the stage where we can't stand this behaviour anymore. We are beginning to dread seeing her.

I can't say anything either, suggest seeing the doctor, she would go mad and it would cause more trouble. I'm at a loss what to do.

Watching with interest. MIL is curre fly at the mercy of similar - albeit her step-father is also still alive

She and FIL went to visit last week and her parents wouldn't let her in or speak to her!

PS - you could always go tithe sicitor to ask for advice. They can't discuss medical history directly with you without consent but they can note concerns and it's then highlighted to be raised when your mum next goes to the doctor's

Both depression and personality change can be early signs of dementia. Is there anything else, such as repetition or hoarding?

If not is the any scope of being honest and point out she is driving people away. It probably won't work but at least you tried.

I was second Dementia especially look at frontotemporal dementia.
www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=167
My dad's argumentative behaviour was diagnosed as depression (had treatment in a psychiatric hospital) and general old age (in his eighty's) by doctors for a number of years. Strangely he often visited (annoyed) the doctors insisting something more was wrong.
Finally after some years my family found it too hard to cope (dad arguing with family and neighbours) .Dad became a resident in a nursing home. One night while in the nursing home he got worked up and became very aggressive.
He was hospitalised and it was only then, after he had a brain scan and other tests that dementia was diagnosed.
I previously thought dementia started with memory loss.