heck 1st of many posts I fear. Dementia and care needs?

[Theas18]

Dad is in respite ( 90yrs, vascular and alzheimers dementia, multiple medical issues that actually don't really trouble him).

Mum is in hospital ( sharp as a knife, normally his carer but very unwell and if she gets home will really struggle with him).

What level of care need would dad require to stay in care long term? I wouldn't say he says he's loving it but they think he's doing fine. Interacting/joining in, eating fabulously ( he was previously needing fortisip just to maintain weight but it looks like Mum just hasn't been well enough to feed him properly :( ) . He's much more mobile as there is space to walk a decent distance ( and mum isn't going really slow beside him) etc etc

In some ways he's doing better mentally too. Conversations are slightly more fluent and when asked if he had anything to say to mum at the weekend when we took him to visit it he said " hurry up get better and come home with me"

i assume night needs dictate if he qualifies for long term placement or if 3-4 carer visits a day and going home are " all" he'd be offered....
He was up 4x the night I stayed over at home but didn't need me to do anything.

And where does the social care/continuing health care funding divide sit?

Argh! worrying about everything here!

Great to hear that your dad is doing well in the care placement. Personally, I'd say that getting up 4x a night would indicate he needs residential care as being up in the night is a strong risk factor for falls.

Get in touch with your local carers centre for some advice on negotiating the long term care decisions - they will know what needs to be said for the strongest case.

Unless your dad needs specific nursing care, then CHC won't apply I'm afraid as the criteria is really strict

Thanks CMOT that's really helpful.

I didn't think CHC would apply.

We've got respite extended another 2 weeks at the moment ( he's just starting week 4) as Mum is still in hospital with no end point in sight.

I know they'll want to go home together. Mum is getting a bit less " Oh I'll cope somehow" and thinking she might have a bit of help... but I just know they'll cope for a bit and it'll collapse again- probably as she'll be re admitted or die (sniff....hard to think about but she's really not doing well medically).

I shall have to ask soc worker what happens about long term placement I guess. Him home alone with 4 calls would be awful.

Sometimes I think " he isn't that bad really" but as we found out he's been re using mouthwash (bleugh) as he hasn't told hem he's running out and washing his pats and socks as he doesn't remember here are some in the drawer.... and we managed to take him out in a zip hoody but no shirt LOL , even with care he isn't 100%!

Def keep a record of that sort of thing as it builds the picture of his capabilities far more than the MMSE etc will.

Do your parents fall below the self pay threshold? Could you look into them going somewhere together, even if your sell it to your mum as her having a chance to get stronger initially.

Its so hard though - my dad is desperate that they'll stay together till the end, but they both cycle through the hospital on a regular basis and now I know mum will have to go to respite next time if he's in overnight (which he fights tooth and nail)

It would be ideal if they went into a care home together. I can't see it happening though, partly as mums care needs would border on nursing levels and he needs dementia specific care really.

I'll start writing a book about it, you are right, it needs doing.

Ask every health professional GP etc you come across whether they can suggest suitable accommodation. I just snuck my mum into very sheltered (own flat but 24 hr warden, restaurant et) even though in terms of day to day capacity she sounds worse than your dad.

There are a lot of lables but you sort of want to find somewhere where other residents have similar levels of capacity. Places where most others have less capacity are depressing and would give your parents a lower standard of life.

And keep posting...in my case there is a real chance I will spend longer being responsible for my mother's care than I spent raising my own children. Good to have company.