Help! Practicalities and support re putting parent in respite

[Theas18]

Been too scared to post this, because if I don't it isn't real iyswim.

Mums in hospital 90 mins each way away. Mentally she's still the full shilling. Physically her kidneys are very naff and they don't seem to be able to get her potassium down to safe levels. She's been in since Thursday. The once a week renal round with the " big cheese" is tomorrow. I hope she's either going to stable then, or they'll choose to dialyse her ( seems the obvious option but they seem to hope that the less invade treatment will do it....but she's had days of that).

Dad has dementia. He's here with us. Only possible as my amazing dh teaches and so can be home now. I work.

We are due on holiday on Monday to see my sister in Spain (yeah we won't even go there about how bloody dumped on I feel!) so dad needs to go into respite. I haven't told him. We have all been assuming she'll be home..

Anyway soc services have actually been good and found him a respite place. Practically I need a list of what to pack for him. I assume it all needs labelling if we want it back.

So pants socks vests long johns tops jumpers trousers body warmer.... Pjs dressing gown. Anything else? Presumably a full supply with spares ?tricky..

And teeth hearing aid specs medication . Teeth bowl toiletries. Hearing aid battery.

Kindle,DVD player ( he likes this but can't sometimes recall what to do). Photo maybe?

What have I not thought of and how the heck do I tell him? Sniffle. He's like a big toddler and can't be left, but not really trouble I feel awful about doing it.

Thanks :(

Label EVERYTHING as others with dementia forget which room is theirs and can borrow things..... Write a letter to leave with him explaining where you are and when you will be back. Tell staff he has it and leave it accessible. Ask staff to read it to him daily. Photos are good - write details on back such as John's grandson Jack. Don't leave anything you don't want to disappear. Slippers. Also label glasses and put initials on dentures...... Yes - they do wander.... Write a brief note to staff re current situation eg wife in hospital, daughter visiting sister in Spain etc... Tell the respite home how he takes his tea or coffee. Good luck x

Thanks so much for that.

Visit to the uniform shop for iron on and sticky labels and a marker pen definitely.

I'll start a file if stuff. Sleep is for the weak!

Yep, label everything. If you go to the local school outfitters they can order name tags, may take a while though for them to get the order in, but some can be in nice copperplate font so it doesn't feel so depressing. Then get dry cleaners to put labels on.

No time? Just give the crappy clothes to wear mainly, and label with a marker clothes pen, bought from Rymans I think. Socks and so on. Do it nice, it will be there forever. Surname too lest there are two 'Johns' or what have you.

Take nothing clotheswise that you wouldn't willingly lose, nothing valuable in terms of watches, rings and so on. Do not label nice cashmere pullovers or jackets, you won't need them there anyway (too hot) or they will wash wool stuff on normal wash and ruin them, well, one lot did at our nursing home.

Label spectacles by typing out and printing his name on tiny font on paper, then stick alongside inside of specs arm with sellotape.

Three family photos showing how popular Dad is, puts him in another context.

Tell him he's staying in a hotel, should do the trick.

Health passport ie list of things his carers need, put maybe in an upright A4 frame by his bed.

A familiar family item he can focus on from home. A clock or something (no valuable)

Toothbrush, toothpaste, flannel, moisturiser and so on.

I know its one thing more to do, but you might want to do an 'all about me' book for the care staff. You can download the template for one from here

Maybe do a 'Thea is visiting sister, and will be back in --- days' chart like you might do for a small child, and ask the carers to cross off each day, if you think it would help him.

I'd be very matter of fact about telling him though 'dad, while mums in hospital and I'm going to see sister, I've arranged for you to have a few days away too' sort of thing.

Hope your mum is feeling better soon

Thanks all. DH off to get labels. As a special chuckle for mum we are having...

DF initial Surname DM initial

as we had bazillions of

DD1 initial Surname DD2 initial

labels as kids - the theory being you tucked under the initial you didn't want when apply the label and we all get labelled with one set LOL ( I notice some things like dads blanket already have a "surname" label on which is one of those 40+yr old school labels with both initials tucked under!).

I've told him what's happening and why and he seems pretty pragmatic than goodness. We took him to visit mum and then home to get stuff, and he told the neighbours with a chuckle "I'm off on my holidays, benidorm was full so its that place over the back here for me" .

at the labels.

Good to hear he's accepted the thought so far. When will you be taking him over?