Dad wont stop messing with electric!

[miffyt]

My Dad was diagnosed with dementia in December. He has always been in to DIY but he still thinks he is able to carry on with it. Over the last few months he has been 'fixing' various things including lights and sockets!
I've had phone calls at seven in the morning a few times as they've had no power in the kitchen or upstairs. My dad always says he hasn't done anything. The electrician I've used to sort them out, phoned me this morning to say my mum had called to say that my dad had tried to fix a socket on the landing and now there was no power upstairs. He phoned me to tell me he was going over to fix it for them. Two things here, first is it's damn dangerous doing things like this and secondly it's the first time she has ever phoned the electrician, she has always phoned me. I don't know if she is trying to cover for him or herself for letting him start again when I've said to leave well alone.
It's not been a good week so far as Wednesday they went shopping to Leeds and somehow lost each other when they went to the loo! Long story short, dad found his way to the bus station and got a bus home, about 12 miles. Mum ended up with the police looking for him and eventually up being taken home by them!
I got another phone call from the electrician about an hour later telling me that mum had phoned him again to cancel his visit as dad wanted to sort it him self. I told him to still go as I want it doing right. After an hour of me phoning about 20 times and leaving messages on the answer phone she finally answered! She had been upstairs helping my dad and had ignored the ringing! By this time the chap had been and they'd ignored the door as well!!! God give me strength!
Anyway my dad is now sulking, says he is going out if this chap is going back to sort it all out.
Sorry if it all seems a bit rambling but has anyone any ideas of how I can get through just how dangerous it is to mess with electric? I've got visions of having to take every tool out of the house.

Sounds like a case of no matter what thechildsays, it will be disregarded.mygrandad was like that hen he was dementing, I could make a very sensible point but he d reject it. He would listen to his cousin and her husband though. Maybe your parents have a relative from their generation who they would be prepared to listen to? They could sugar the pill by saying regs have changed a lot lately and it s better to use a professional.

Thanks Whatabout. Unfortunately they are both only children so I've no aunts or uncles to ask. My dad has always been a bit bloody minded so listening to other people has never been his strong point. The electrician left their house today but hasn't sorted it all out, the landing socket still isn't working, and that's where the problem starred. My dad said he won't touch it but I'm not holding my breath.

Is your dad known to a dementia team? My dad s team went round and did a kind of risk assessment. They fitted fire alarms and I think made the local fire stations aware of him. The cooker was not disabled though, so that s still a potential problem.

No, he was diagnosed by his GP in early December. He has just got his first appointment at the memory clinic at the end of Feb. TBH I'm not sure what that involves but I'm going with him to find out. He wouldn't go to the doctors in the first place. I phoned them, explained what was going on and they sent for him, they sent him an appointment for a medication review to get him there. His GP said it was either a rare form or quite advanced, he did really badly at the test they give. It was quite heartbreaking to watch.

Its s good idea to go with him. You are able to clarify things, and it is a good chance to ask lots of questions.

My dads odd memory issues turned out to be a tumour.

I think it is Social Services who do the physical home assessments. I think you can just phone and ask for one especially as he has a referral to the memory clinic.

I essentially did as the hospital had forgotten to inform Social Services when my mum was discharged from hospital with a broken hip, broken wrist and clearly confused. Effectively they seemed to take my word on everything, though perhaps this was just them being used to the local hospital doing this. The first person who came round assessed the physical arrangements.

It might be worth you having an early word with them. Even if they need a formal referral from the NHS they might pencil in a date (otherwise it could be ages). Do tell them of your concerns about safety. You can then remind the memory clinic that you would like them to ask SS to assess the physical environment.

I think they can give grants for some things. Also consider applying for attendance allowance. The GP should be willing to countersign.

It sounds awful. There is a very steep learning curve. I ended up just asking everyone questions till I could see a way forward. At the same time it is very sad, and your poor dad must be absolutely baffled by why he suddenly can't think straight.

This sounds potentially very, very dangerous. I'm thinking electrocution.

Do your parents have modern electrics OP? I hope the fuse box (I think they call it a consumer unit now) is up to date with all the necessary safety features that cut out if there is any problem.

Does your Dad use particular tools? Perhaps you could take them away and this might stop him trying to do things. You could say that someone needs to borrow them for a few days?

It will be really good if your Dad is out when the electrician comes. Perhaps then the electrician can work out what your Dad did so that you can assess how safe or not he is in the house.

It doesn't sound good though.

Thank you so much for the advice. I'm sure I will be asking lots more questions before long!
Electrocution is something I keep going on about to them both, lightheartedly, you'll make your hair stand on end and the more serious, I don't want the next phone call I get telling me your dead!
Some of the electrics are from when the house was built, late sixties. There was an extension done later and that is more modern, trip switches etc. I've asked the electrician to price up a new fuse board/box or whatever it's called.
It's such a shame as he is physically fit but as this has come on he doesn't want to out the same, he used to walk several miles a day but has lost interest in may things now. My mum, well step mum really, has osteoporosis and walks with a stick. She does like to walk but can't manage to go too far so he hasn't got company with him.

I've got two small dogs and my dad loves them. I always take them with me when I go and we take them out for a walk which he enjoys. to be quite honest I do think part of the problem is being bored, not having enough to keep him busy. I live about 15 miles away and have a full time job. I've got two stepbrothers who don't want to get involved, one has only spoken to his mum 3 times in the last two months and not been to see them at all! Bet you've all heard that before!

I don't know what the electrician would say about this and I would definitely run it past him before doing it, but maybe super gluing the screws into the sockets would stop Dad getting them open so easily? it may not work if he has the idea to tighten then unscrew, but it might help.

In some areas older people can get support with organising home maintenance. For example my builder does some volunteer work. If there is something in your area SS should know about it.

In some areas older people can get support with organising home maintenance. For example my builder does some volunteer work. If there is something in your area SS should know about it.

Thanks Needmoresleep. I will give SS a ring and ask for any info they have. Solo, thanks as well, it is a good idea in one way but I bet the answer is no, I can but ask.

I would ask. It won't interfere with the electrics, but might just stop your Dad from getting into the sockets and thus endangering himself and others, not to mention the cost of having the electrician round regularly!

I will. Even the electrician said yesterday about it costing them money just because dad can't leave things alone.

Needmoresleep, is there a limit on savings for the attendance allowance?
they've both worked all their lives and saved for their old age, not worth a fortune but do have cash in the bank.

I've spoken to my partner about the superglue idea but he thinks my dad could end up trying to prise a socket off the wall because he gets very frustrated if he can't do something! He has always had a quick temper and hasn't improved with age, bless him!

Can you remove his tools from the house? I know he could always go and buy more, but it might slow him down. Do they also have smoke alarms? If not, contact your local fire service as they will do a risk assessment and fit them free of charge.

Hi craftysewer, its looking like I'll have to move the tools. They have got a smoke alarm but I haven't checked its working ok. I'll add it to my to do list, thank you for reminding me!

Attendance allowance is not means tested, so you get it whatever you have or earn. The advantage is that you can spend it on what you want, so perhaps taxis to get your dad out and about a bit. He may be careful with his own money but willing to spend the extra. However more likely you will find that day to day costs start increasing quite fast, as you start to fill gaps above the state's minimal provision.

Its quite a tricky form to complete. Not least because you essentially have to put down in black and white the worst of your fathers behaviour.I was lucky in that I got some very useful editing from a professional who knew my mother.

(Small things like I did not think my mother needed 24 hour care because I thought that this is what care homes did. However I was moving my mother to sheltered housing in part because there was a 24 hour warden. I assume you would not be willing to leave your dad completely on his own overnight.)

The big problem is that unless you have POA, the applicant themselves will need to sign. Really hard if your dad has a level of denial.

That said, having AA then helps opens the door to other help such as Council tax exemption.

If your mum needs regular help she too could be eligible. You might ask the GP what he thinks. If not she might be eligible for a carers allowance. There will be a lot about the form filling on the Alzheimer Society's Talking Point Forum, or you might find a volunteer from somewhere like Age UK or CAB to help.

And if you don't have it, do look into POAs as soon as possible. Care and Financial.

Thanks Notenoughsleep, that's some great help and advice. We have talked about POA but not gone any further yet. It was my dad who said he wanted me to sort everything out but later when we talked he kind of shut down, defo some denial. My s/mum has got memory problems, very forgetful and befire Christmas she was finding things very stressful. She ended up needing to see the doctor, though things are more settled now. Dad has more or less stopped thinking people are steeling his things from the house and garage. She knows her memory is a problem but I don't think it's dementia just not able to remember things easily. I've got her a book which I write every thing in from how to get her answer phone messages to instructions for the new washer, switching on Sky, the lot . Things do sink in but it takes time. God love them. I keep thinking if this is what life is like when I'm older then I need to drink more wine! :-)