Dad just gone to care home, found him shitting on the floor...

[Scarletohello]

So my dad who is 81 and has dementia and is now registered blind went into a care home 5 weeks ago after I couldn't cope with looking him any more ( had moved back home the last year to be his carer)

I had thought it was all going well but I turned up at the home tonight to find him not in his room but in the bedroom of another resident, swatting in the corner, with his trousers and pants round his ankles and his underpants full of shit, having defacated in them. It was horrifying! I called for help but the staff were all too busy to come help him. With the help of my friend, we got his trousers and underpants off him, cleaned him up and led him back to his own room where we put pyjama bottoms on him, put his soiled clothes in a laundry bag and sat him in a chair.

Eventually a staff member turned up, took away his clothes and very blithely said, oh yes , last week he smeared excrement all over his bedroom wall, to the extent that the wall is going to need to be repainted.

WTF ? We are paying a lot of money for this home and we just want him to be safe and looked after but this seems unacceptable. I really don't know what to do. He has a toilet in his room but he can neither see it or remember its there. It was horrible to see him like that, I don't know how long he'd been like that or what would have happened if we hadn't turned up when we did. I know the staff are busy but surely this shouldn't be happening...?

See the care home manager ASAP - this isn't acceptable.

Is he in a centre that specialises in dementia? If he isn't then he needs to be.

It may well be that the staff are "too busy" - many care homes have an absolute minimum number if staff. If this truly is the case then he is in the wrong place.

It would be worth looking at the cqc website - the home will have been inspected and the report may give you some additional background information. If you don't get anywhere with the care home manager, or if there is no change or if you're not happy, contact the cqc directly.

I'm so sorry you're going through this x

This is not acceptable. If your Dad cannot see he needs help to get to the toilet. I would think that he did not deliberately smear the walls but was trying to find his way to the loo paper etc. I know I would be looking for another home asap and informing social services and cqc. Your poor dad.

I agree that you need to start looking at other places to see what is going on there. How much are you paying a week for this one?

As for the Care Quality Commission, I have issues with them but it comes down to this: basically if it doesn't see it happening at the nursing home on the day on one of its twice-yearly visits, it won't/can't report it. Of course, when they visit all staff will be on their best behaviour, imo their reports are a farce. They are not some sort of 'alternate prospectus' or TripAdvisor thing.

The CQC, when pushed, will suggest you contact the local ombusman or social services, but who the hell wants to do this when a) The CQC makes it look like it is the first port of call, and is always quoted in cases of care home neglect (why? why not social services?) b) You are stirring things up for the very people paid to look after your Dad. Tempting, no?

As for the shit-smearing, well there is a film with Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman where they visit their Dad in a care home and he is doing that.