Had to move Dad to a care home - horrible guilt.

[HeinzDoofenshmirtz]

He's had a urine infection and I think some kind of seizure and or mini stroke as he's now double incontinent and doesn't seem to be returning to normal as the nurses said he would do once the infection was cleared.

He is able to walk and talk but has just 'forgotten' how to go to the toilet or feed himself.

I know I can't look after him, feeding and help him dress - possibly, but I just can't do the personal care, I just can't and I think it would be more distressing for him if I did.

How do you get over the guilt of putting them in a home?

Sorry, - this is all new to me, I hope I'm not offending anyone but what I've said.

You need to hold onto that you are doing the right thing for him as well as for yourself.

This way he is getting the care and support he so obviously needs and you'll be able to visit with him - and not be ground down by caring. Many people say throw away lines of 'oh, I'd never see mum/dad in a home' without thinking about how they'd do that when its 24 hours hands on care.

My mum will almost undoubtedly go into a home this year, less than 15 years since her mother did, so I know where you are coming from

How do you get over the guilt of putting them in a home?
I don't think you ever do stop feeling guilty, but it gets less intense. I tried so hard with my Mum but it became impossible.
Is your Dad already in a CH or are you still looking? You are doing the best thing for you and your Dad. You will be able to visit him and take him out for little outings etc.

I had to put my dad in a care home in December as I couldn't cope with him anymore ( dementia and blindness )

I felt horribly guilty at leaving him there but I just hoped he would get better care than I was able to give him. It was also affecting my mental and emotional health and I knew I had to do it for my own sake. Staff are trained to deal with these issues, we're not. You have to think of yourself and your own life even though it can feel very selfish. You are worth having a life too...