This will sound so silly.
Just as I was leaving my mum whispered "Look after yourself."
She has been unable to express any form of interest in anyone else for some time. The only voluntary sentence she has is "where am I?" Other than that she does recognise us and will smile or answer a question ( maybe not competently) with yes or no, but that's it.
Mum has not really eaten since August, not more than a slice or two of banana or a few teaspoons of porridge every day or so. But she has had no food at all for the last 9 days. Her fluid is down to 2 or 300 Ml.
I had sat and rubbed her hands with the hand cream I bought for Christmas, just skin and bone, I could feel each bone as I rubbed it in. She sighed and said "that's nice, I like cream." I sprayed her with perfume. She wasn't properly awake. Just sleeping and only opening her eyes occasionally when I spoke. So I told her I would leave her to have a little sleep, I never say goodbye, and she said that^
I think she is dying. Well, I know she's dying. But I just felt as if I had heard her speak for the last time. She said what mattered, what she had to say. And she expressed a thought. I can't put into words exactly, but it just feel that she was saying goodbye.
I have slept for 3 hours on the sofa tonight. I was so distraught that it exhausted me. I am afraid the phone will ring. She was calm and peaceful and sleeping, but her breathing was strange, and it is so much like the day before my dad died. I feel so silly saying all this when all she said was look after yourself, but that is so out of character and not something she has been able to say, or think, for so long, that I am convinced it is meaningful. 