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Elderly parents

Anyone else's parent wait for the most inconvenient time to do things?

11 replies

FeastOfPhteven · 26/12/2013 21:50

I need to vent, I am fed up.

Having just got back from the OOH GP with mil, I am fed up of it all.

She waits for the most inconvenient time to decide she needs to go. She got out of hospital Christmas Eve (another story) which was inconvenient in itself, she had been there for over three weeks for an operation, traction first then operation then recovery.

She was at our house all of yesterday, we ran around after her, catered to her every whim. Today we visited her at home, made sure she was ok etc and told her we were going to a Boxing Day thing at my mums and would be having a drink.

While we were there she phoned and said she needed one of us there as she couldn't find her remote control. Told her we were leaving in an hour and would do it then. She slammed the phone down. DH decided to go to hers and find them, save the agro. The remote was on top of her fridge, she claims DH put them there as she can't reach.

Then, a few hours later when we are home, she phones and says we have to go down and take her to OOH GP, which apparently she can't do herself. So I went with her as DH had had a few drinks, I had only had one but couldn't drive, so £30 in taxi fare.

She always does this! Every time we plan something, she either needs to go to A&E (always turns out to be nothing), she falls over and can't get up (she can) or she needs one of us urgently to do something. EVERY time!

DH is one of three, his other siblings don't live near so we are left to do it. It is so frustrating. I feel we cannot do anything as she will do something to ruin it. She lives in sheltered accomodation btw but refuses to pull the cord for the warden.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 26/12/2013 21:52

Could you not ring the warden to do things like find the remote, call a GP, etc?

FeastOfPhteven · 26/12/2013 21:58

We have done in the past, warden only there during the day (wasn't the case when she moved in, funding cut for it) and definitely not there today. The warden has spoken to her a couple of times about not pushing her alarm, she just says she will to pacify him. We only live a short distance from her, she moved specifically to be near us.

DH and I have talked a few times about suggesting to her she needs to move into a proper care home, but she won't hear of it. We mentioned it to her once and she became very needy for over a fortnight, constantly phoning for things.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 26/12/2013 22:03

So what happens if a resident does ring their alarm at night, or when the warden isn't there? Is there some kind of on call service?

FeastOfPhteven · 26/12/2013 22:05

Yes, on call service for the whole of the town, they have the key for hers to get in if needed.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 26/12/2013 22:06

Well, I think there's your answer, tbh.

Snuppeline · 26/12/2013 22:08

Stop doing the ridiculous things for her (remote control search for instance. Do not have phone with you or on when out at event. If it is urgent she'll soon pull that cord or phone one of the siblings. Just stop engaging with her every whim!

Sounds awful by the way and I wouldn't have stood for it at all.

Whereisegg · 26/12/2013 22:20

I can see why these things are inconvenient, really I can but your post seems so harsh Sad

I imagine being in hospital until Christmas eve wasn't very convenient for your mil either.

Can she reach to put a remote on top of the fridge, or could your dp have been distracted and put it there accidentally?
Perhaps the tv is important to her because she's lonely.

If you feel she is panicking about symptoms and is too quick to call ooh, maybe go in with her and ask what things are ok to leave until gp is open?

FeastOfPhteven · 26/12/2013 22:41

I know my post seems harsh, I am venting. She always does things like this. This is just the most recent.

She could have come out day before Christmas Eve but chose not to. And yes she can reach the fridge.

She may have panicked about the remote, I'm not arguing that, but it wasn't an emergency, she makes it out to be one.

We have had conversations with the doctors at each time we take her to A&E or OOH. it doesn't work.

Perhaps ignoring certain things might work, we have tried before but she is persistent. There was once I couldn't take her to A&E, she went herself in a taxi, but then needed to go twice more in that week for same thing. There is nothing A&E can do for her that her GP can't do, she just won't wait. Tonight is a prime example.

OP posts:
ProfessorDent · 06/01/2014 16:30

It is a way for them to feel on top of things.

They are like the cat who chooses to sit on the newspaper you are currently reading.

Goldencity1 · 06/01/2014 19:50

If you think she is doing it just because you are going out, then don't tell her when you have something planned. Make sure she has your mobile number, or have your home phone divert to your mobile so she can still get you in a real emergency.

My MIL also does this if she finds out we have something else planned at the weekend. We visit every weekend, usually on a Sunday, but if she finds out we have something else planned there is always some drama to ensure our plans are spoilt. My DGD's 5th birthday and our planned visit to Father Christmas with all the grandkids, for example. It's all about her, in her mind anyway.

Rant away, your not mean, just trying to keep sane!

ssd · 25/01/2014 10:05

yes op, rant away, keeping it in is even harder and its bloody hard enough

you have my full sympathies Thanks

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