Awful, and I have a matching Tshirt. Part of my motivation has been to try to break the cycle. As a teenager and young adult I witnessed my aunt doing most of the caring for my grandmother, and didn't want want my children to judge me in the way I judged my mother.
I have said it before on the longer thread but I like my cousin's observation that many women in my mother's generation appear angry and frustrated, perhaps because they had the intelligence, and in my mother's case the education, but not the opportunities.
In terms of pleasantness etc it is really unpredictable. Dementia, especially in the early stages, can cause personality changes. Some of it is stress. In one lucid conversation recently my mother explained that she wanted to stay where she was for Christmas and indeed did not want to spend a night away ever. If she wakes up in the middle of the night she knows where the loo is. It was awful no having any bearings.
Previously she could not admit (to herself as well?) that there was a problem, and so everyone else was to blame. Keeping up appearances was really important as mental health problems carry quite a stigma with her generation, which took a huge effort. Then last winter when I had to take over after my mum had a fall, my mother was a bit like a wounded animal lashing out at anyone. Though at times she did not know who I was, but seemed to retain an instinctive understanding of how to hurt me most.
My learning is that she is worse when she is tired, and finds direct questions difficult.
Must of the rest is fear. The idea of a care home is terrifying for many of that generation. (And indeed for us if we were to think of it.) So a huge battle to retain control and cling onto independent living, and real anger at any challenge to any suggestion that support might be needed.
Ten years ago, when she was in her seventies she should have given some thought to the future. This was the time when she and my dad should have set up a Power of Attorney (both Care and Financial), when they should have taken me through where their financial paperwork, eg banks, property, will etc, or at least engaged an accountant who would have had an up to date picture, and have considered possible home moves should either of them have become incapacitated.
I understand why they did not. I might do the same. At that age, head in the sand is easier than looking ahead to what may well be a bleak future. Plus I don't think at that stage my mum would have wanted to ask me for anything, given her longstanding lack of interest in me or my family.
If you do feel able to engage, being able to work on a long term plan is useful. This reduces the stress and fear and also makes it easier to consider future care and support arrangements that place minimum burden on you. I had already decided I would do the "right thing", when I was in a position to do so. (I had previously tried to intervene but till there was a crisis it was clear that there was nothing I could do.)
I think the real answer to your question is what you would feel able to do if you had a phone call saying your mother was in hospital and unable to go home. Would you want or feel able to put the phone down and say it was Social Services problem. If not perhaps you need to have quite a frank conversation with your mother about her ideas for the future, finances etc, and then examine options that give her the right support at the right time so she retains as much independence as possible and you only pick up responsibilities you feel able to handle.
Sorry this is long. Cathartic though!