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Elderly parents

Mum living alone...worried - anyone else?

9 replies

plumpjuicyraspberry · 08/08/2013 09:58

  • am regular poster just name changed....

Mum is 70 and lives alone. Has done for a long time. She lives about an hour away from me. Im the only sibling able to be on call to help should anything happen.

I worry about this all the time. The loneliness and more importantly what happens if something goes wrong. She falls down her stairs or has an illness like a stroke and no one finds her for days.

She lives close to some of her family and she has a good group of friends and neighbours who might notice but i worry about this a lot (and feel guilty that I'm not there more)

am i alone in this worry? how do others handle this concern?
OP posts:
Fairy130389 · 08/08/2013 10:08

Hi plump, I am a social worker for older people. There are loads of things for people who don't need mega help as such, but reassurance etc. firstly, is there a specific reason for your worry like memory problems etc?

Does she have a lifeline? This is a pendant that she wears Around her neck or wrist and should she fall, she just presses button and they can send warden to check on her/call ambulance etc as appropriate.

Is she involved with any lunch clubs? Church? Not sure what area she is in but for a younger older person who is mobile etc there are usually loads of social options should she want to.

Depending on her level of need, there is also supported housing should she feel anxious about being alone.

Feel free to pm me if you want to. Your mums local district council will help you with lifeline pendant, definitely worth it.

I know it is difficult but there is so much that can put your mind at rest. I have kept lots of older people at home, safe, despite extremely complex needs.


harbinger · 14/08/2013 22:36

I wish I'd heard of you earlier.

Fairy130389 · 15/08/2013 05:25

Are you ok?

Chubfuddler · 15/08/2013 05:38

She's only 70. Is her health poor? My mum is the same age and would make this face Hmm if I suggested she needed one of those aid call things (not knocking them, they're a great idea for those that need them).

I mean I'm 34 and I'm the only adult in this house, if I fell down the stairs it would take a while for help to come especially if the DCs weren't here.

Fairy130389 · 15/08/2013 05:48

Agree chubfuddler, she is very young. She also sounds like she is pretty active and gets out and about a bit? I think it depends on the person, my MIL is 70 and has leg probs etc, if she lived alone she would get a lifeline for her own peace of mind. On other hand, PIL is still cycling g50 miles every Wednesday with his mates! I wondered if there is more to op's situation, hence her concern

Optimist1 · 15/08/2013 06:55

Although my mother should really have one of the personal alarms, she refuses point blank, and prefers to call my mobile phone (just a couple of rings, then she hangs up) each morning when she gets up s that I can see she's still alive! We agreed that if I haven't heard from her by midday I'll investigate. Maybe this would work for you?

plumpjuicyraspberry · 15/08/2013 07:55

Thanks all

She doesn't need the alarm at all yet and is active. I think I just feel massive amounts of guilt that she is living alone. It's not my fault but I feel as if it is.

What if she had a sudden stroke and was all alone.? A bit irrational but that's how I feel. Responsible but in capable of helping really.

I'm so scared of future as I've no idea how I'd help

OP posts:
FrameyMcFrame · 15/08/2013 08:04

Hi, my Mum is 81 and has refused one of those call out bracelets.
I ring her every day and try to see her twice a week.

whataboutbob · 17/08/2013 14:24

PJR she is only 70 and from what you say has reasonable health. My advice would be seize the day, make the Most of still having her, but while still leading your own life and not feeling guilty ( about what exactly?). Maybe take some time to check in with her and plan some things she d like to do, and can still do while she s not too old eg a trip somewhere, seeing a show etc. Ultimately our parents and then us all get older. A few years ago I could see my dad s dementia looming on the horizon. I work in healthcare and picked up on the signs. So I decided to add quality to his life by helping around his house and taking him on a few holidays, also concerts etc. I m glad I did because now he wouldn't t be able to do most of those things. But we did them when he was able to enjoy them.

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