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Elderly parents

Advice needed

5 replies

ungelato · 24/05/2013 21:50

My dad is 83, mum is 64, to cut a long story short he wishes he had have left her years ago due to her temper and abuse. My dad means the world to me and is getting more fragile and unsteady on his feet, but every day he takes himself out for the day just to get away from her. I've been living away for 14 years and now moved back home and now I can see it all in front of my eyes and it's breaking my heart.

I can't challenge her about it, yesterday she told him he 'does her head in' and opened the door for him to leave. He needs no care whatsoever, he is independant, loving, giving and always makes excuses for her behaviour. She has always been abusive, I feel that I can't do a thing but be there for him and listen, is there anyone I can talk to about this? without breaking my dad's confidentiality. He knows what's going on and I can't do anything against his wishes, thank you.

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 24/05/2013 22:22

I feel for you and your Dad. I would reccomend that you call Age Concern as they are experienced in matters like this.

0800 1695565

The site is www.ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing/relationships-and-family/

Just a question....why cant you challenge her? Is she abusive to you too?

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musicislife · 24/05/2013 22:34

sounds awful,i'm afraid I don'thave much to go on except mum-in-law who is always snapping at dad-in-law both in 80's, he goes out to get away but disabled. Are you able to go for walks etc with him? or maybe there's a local meeting place where he can join in activities for retirees? Good luck with it.

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ungelato · 24/05/2013 22:45

Neo yes, she has been abusive to me and my sister as we were growing up, she will be overly nice to me one week and cut me down the next, I know that if I cause waves between her and my dad, he will get the brunt of it, he is afraid of her so does anything for an easy life. The worse thing is I'm a nurse and I know all about vulnerable patients, yet I'm seeing my dad being mentally, verbally and emotionally abused and I don't know who to turn to. I am here for him and will always look out for him, but my hands are tied as in I can't force him to do anything about it.

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ungelato · 24/05/2013 22:52

Thank you for the link neo, I will look into it.

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/05/2013 13:54

Definitely call AC they are experts and have seen it all before...hang in there.xxx You;ve made the 1st step