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Elderly parents

I think my Mum has given up?

11 replies

BonAppetit · 24/05/2013 19:30

Advice please if you have the time to read this? I will keep this short and sweet. She will be 75 in November. Always a glamorous lady. Always suffered from anxiety and I guess depression. Now over the last few weeks has seemed to go downhill very quickly and my poor Dad at wits end!

All three siblings moved away years ago and kept at arms' length as Mum likes Dad to herself. Dad is now 78 and struggling. She does not want me to visit - barely talks on the telephone. Only to say this evening she cannot do anything, can't go on - what the hell do I do?

OP posts:
kilmuir · 24/05/2013 20:39

would she go and see her GP?
I would go and visit them, is that possible?

HeathRobinson · 24/05/2013 20:41

Ask GP for a home visit - assessment?

rowrowrowtheboat · 24/05/2013 20:46

Try and talk, and talk to dad. Has something tipped her? Can your dad convince her to go to the doctors? Does your dad want you to visit?

BonAppetit · 24/05/2013 23:09

Thank you all for answering.

I have been phoning every day and speaking to Dad. GP has visited 2 weeks ago and prescribed seroxat which she has been taking for 2 weeks last Monday and no change. I spoke to her this evening and GP been again on Wednesday and changed drug to Mirtazapine. She is taking both now and reducing seroxat to 20mg dosage together with Mirtazapine 15mg. Tonight she said she had not eaten and expects 'to be taken in', She said she feels so sorry for what she is doing to Dad. I have told her to be kind to herself and not to worry about about him.

My Dad would be happy for me to visit but she gets soooo stressed if anybody visits. What to do for the best - I should go anyway shouldn't I?

OP posts:
rabbitlady · 24/05/2013 23:13

check out seroxat for promoting suicidal feelings. please check it. i'm probably wrong but warning bells are ringing in my head on this.
and do visit. if she complains, promise to stop visiting again when you're sure she's ok.

OliviaMMumsnet · 24/05/2013 23:14

Hi BonAppetit
Poor you
I would go - you will feel better.

emess · 24/05/2013 23:21

What is she struggling with - is she mobile, can she wash and dress herself, go the toilet unaided, prepare food, go shopping, socialise?
Or is it a mental/emotional/psychological issue? What does she feel she can't cope with - meeting people, is she forgetting facts, memories, people's names, can't concentrate?
Could any of this, including reduced appetite, be related to her new drugs perhaps?

Agree with those who suggest you contact her GP, fill him/her in and ask for home visit.

I hope you see some more positive signs soon. So hard when you want to help but it's not clear what's best.

emess · 24/05/2013 23:22

Meant to say - yes, do go and visit.

BonAppetit · 24/05/2013 23:23

Thanks all. I will visit this weekend. Though she has told me not to....

OP posts:
BonAppetit · 24/05/2013 23:32

Both are very mobile and she goes to hairdressers every Friday and then shopping for their food. She can wash and dress herself - all of the above - it is definitely a mental/emotional/psychological issue which is why I am so worried. I just know she has given up. Today she has not gone to hairdressers but is now concerned about her looks and how long she has to wait until next visit. This stresses my Dad out. I am angry with her too! How do I deal with that?

OP posts:
emess · 26/05/2013 12:09

How to deal with the anger? All I can suggest is to remember two things.

  1. Her behaviour is is not personal, by which I mean it's not aimed at you.

2. You can't change another person - she has to take responsibility for her own decisions. Eg not going to the hairdressers.

Finally, grit your teeth, keep smiling, and vent here!
Have a Brew.
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