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Elderly parents

Mulling over nursing home vs at home care

4 replies

StrokeOfBadLuck · 15/05/2013 08:54

My mum had a stroke in January and has been in a nursing home for the past two months, paralysed down one side. She can still talk and her general memory isn't too bad. Her short-term memory has been impaired, but is sadly better than mine at the moment, as I'm, really stressed with it all.

However, I am not happy with the nursing home care, and it's the only one near us. It's nothing absolutely major, but a lot of stuff that they just don't get right. For example, she can only eat pureed food, but she keeps being given unsuitable meals which she could choke on. She's had a bed sore, but I hope they have that under control now. She's left in uncomfortable positions unable to right herself, and her call button is always on her bad side when I go in.

I assumed the nursing home would carry out daily physio - I'm just talking 5 minutes of flexing her painful joints here, nothing major. However, they don't. I'm going in every day, so can do this. Having said that, the staff are lovely by and large, which is a big plus point.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone had ever taken their relative out of a nursing home to care for at home, and how it worked out? We are having building work done at the moment, and could get our garage converted. Obviously, she may not last long, or may go downhill rapidly - she's almost 90 and not well at all. However, she may last years. I don't like to see her spending her last days stuck somewhere like that, even though she's asleep a lot of the time.

I was thinking we could pay for help, as I doubt she'd like us doing personal care. She would need to be turned at night, too. When she was discharged from hospital, they did say one option would be to have carers coming in three or four times a day, but that was in a different part of the country. (We moved her to be close to us.)

Anyway, should I discount it altogether, or could it work? I just need help thinking the practicalities through. The children are aged 11 and 13.

Any thoughts would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 15/05/2013 09:03

Does she have a social worker? There should be one attached to the home? I would start by asking what could be organised for her at home. It shouldn't be too difficult to organise carers to wash & dress her - but not sure about night turning.
If you can do it - and are realistic about what it would entail & she is keen I think it would be a lovely thing to do. With having an 11 & 13 year old I would think your mum having her own space would be fairly important though.

StrokeOfBadLuck · 15/05/2013 13:32

I hadn't thought of asking the social worker, so thank you. She was to be transferred to a different team of social workers (from the long-term care team) in her original city, but I haven't heard from them yet.

I just feel really disillusioned about everything. Having spoken to the builders, it could be another six months before our work is completed. In the mean time, her care is so disappointing. She wants to feed herself, but finds a large spoon difficult, as she's paralysed down the left side of her face. She asks for a teaspoon every time for breakfast, but they just give her a dessert spoon. Such a minor thing, but it makes eating much more difficult.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 16/05/2013 08:01

It sounds very difficult stroke & really the nursing home should be getting those basics right. Sad

StrokeOfBadLuck · 17/05/2013 16:09

Yes, it is so dependent on the individual nurse. She got the nice one today. I knew as soon as I visited this morning. She had a small spoon, and her paralysed arm had been placed correctly stretched out, instead of leaving it bent on her chest. Sadly, he's not often on.

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