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Elderly parents

Worried about Mum....and the future...

3 replies

skyblue11 · 07/04/2013 17:06

Mum is 79 in 2 weeks. We lost Dad to Alzheimers 3 years ago. Since then she has lost all interest in anything.

She has issues with her health, she refuses to go to the dentist which has resulted in her losing her teeth and having difficulty eating. This also means she won't go anywhere for a meal or indeed attend any family occasion or even come round to mine for a cuppa.

I have also noticed that her house (and herself) is starting to smell, I don't know if she is incontinent or how on earth I bring this up but after a visit I feel dirty. She can't cope with anything, I see to her finances and she even has trouble worrying about her cat, I have to change the litter tray as she can't even do that. I don't know what she eats but she's lost loads of weight due to not eating properly.

She refuses to have her pension paid into the bank which means I had to set up a direct debit from her savings into her current account so her bills get paid, she just draws out her pension at the post office for things like food but it oblivious to the fact her savings after being used up for her bills, she doesn't understand as Dad used to deal with all the money stuff.

The only thing she lives for is my disabled brother, it's all she cares about, I feel like I am an only child as I have his care/support/finances to manage as she has happily handed over the reigns but is first to criticise...

Many problems, how can I help her, I am also concerned about her speech memory as if this isn't enough..

OP posts:
Fififolle3108 · 07/04/2013 23:17

I think you need to make an appointment for her with her GP or if she refuses you can ring the GP to outline your concerns and discuss what to do. You mention you have control over her finances, does she have Power of Attorney in place for finances and welfare? If she does and that is you it makes things a bit easier in terms of getting support even if she refuses. Basically first step is appointment with GP I would assume your GP may think about whether she is vulnerable, the GP may refer to social services for an assessment to look at whether she needs extra care and the GP may also refer her for a memory assessment. I'm not sure what part of the country you are in I'm in Scotland so processes may be slightly different elsewhere. Such a difficult time for you, hope things improve soon xxxx

twentyten · 12/04/2013 22:13

This sounds tough . Good advice re gp there is a lot of help about like age uk and the carers association.
Your gp could possibly help too. Our county council had a very helpful phone line. You must look after yourself.

whataboutbob · 13/04/2013 10:03

I second what the other posters have said. There are a few things that could be going on- depression, urinary tract infection, dementia. Getting the GP to do a visit will get a professional assessment started and also maybe make you feel less isolated with the problem.
I am in a similar situation my dad has alzheimers and lives with my brother who has severe mental illness and incredibly, despite me going to 3appointments with his GP starting back in January, still hasn't been referred to a psychiatrist. But that's another story.
Persons with dementia can be quite hard to convince of the need for help, so good luck. My advice is to get the professionals involved, if only so the problem can be logged and others have to assume some responsibility, and to look after yourself. Some of us get lumbered with unfair burdens, try and remember there's only so much one person can do.

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