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Elderly parents

Decorating dilema

7 replies

glaurung · 29/03/2013 18:03

My MiLs bedroom and the live in carers room are being repainted this weekend following flood damage. MiL has advanced dementia and is in a home until next week when the rooms are ready again. Dh had assumed we would repaint the walls in pretty much the same neutral colour that they were already, but FiL is insisting on blue. Not any blue, but a bright recycling bin blue. He has dementia too and is prone to bouts of unreasonableness so is unlikely to be moved on this. One room has a strong green carpet and pink/yellow/green curtains and the other room will have a new neutral carpet and has strong green curtains (with a little cream & gold). He won't want to replace the curtains, and even if he did none of the furniture will go with blue either. Frankly, blue is going to look horrid in both rooms, but it's his and MiL's house, so what to do? What annoys dh, is that he's choosing something that will look vile, but it's other people that will have to sleep in the rooms.

Any ideas? Is it unethical to find blue is out of stock tomorrow?

OP posts:
MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 29/03/2013 20:27

It's his house, his choice.

I agree that it'll look hideous but a big part of caring for someone with dementia is giving them choice and allowing them to do what they want - with the exception of anything dangerous.

Go for the blue.


glaurung · 29/03/2013 20:51

You are right. I feel sorry for MiL and the carer though Sad.

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 29/03/2013 20:59

Sorry to be a contrarian- but what about MiL? Won't the blue throw her, and maybe she'll go through a "this is not my room, it's blue" stage which will be difficult for all. Maybe it's not so unethical to discover that blue paint is all out of stock. I think I would.

glaurung · 29/03/2013 21:20

It may indeed whataboutbob. I suspect that she'll just be happy to be home, but she's always favoured pink hues in her room in the past, so I'd thought a very pale rose (shade of white) would be good for her if we changed the 'something akin to magnolia' that was there before. It is half her house too, but FiL will claim to know her best if I try that argument, which ought to be true, but in this instance probably isn't.

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 30/03/2013 09:05

I really feel for you, juggling 2 elderly in laws with dementia must be so hard. I have learnt with my dad to constantly assess what is important and what isn't, where I need to back down and make him feel he's getting his own way, and where to try and re-direct him/ obfuscate. As we all know, the less confrontation the better. This seems to be one area of life where half truths/ white lies and generally keeping the peace are the best way forward.

glaurung · 30/03/2013 14:11

Well this morning I went with dd to meet the painter & finalise the colours with FiL. I took him, the curtains and the paint charts into each room and he made no suggestion of blue whatsoever, picking out entirely sane colours that should look fine (phew). So it all ended well after all [bugrin].

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 30/03/2013 17:05

High fives all round! One less blue bedroom in the world, and happier family members and carers. Great news.

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