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Elderly parents

Helping MIL with grief and confusion etc

3 replies

CocktailQueen · 07/03/2013 12:18

My MIL lives alone (her 61yo son, who used to live with her, has cancer and is in a hospice - not sure how long he has left).

MIL is confused and very low. Not speaking much, forgets things, repeats herself. DH takes her to see BIL every day/2 days and she doesn't say anything to him. Not a thing.

We have spoken to her GP and he has been round to see her a couple of times in the last 2 weeks and has arranged for her to visit a memory clinic.

We have had SS round to assess her as we are worried about her living on her own - letting strange people into the house etc.

She has no friends locally or support network.

We are 1.5 hours away so realistically cannot visit more than once a week on an ongoing basis.

What else can we do to help her? We ring every day (DH sees her every day/2 days at the mo to take her to visit BIL), we do her shopping, dh cooks for her when he's there, or else she forgets to eat.

We have arranged for a private care company to come in twice a week to do housework, check on her, have a cup of tea with her and chat with her.

She is lonely. She has been low for a long time too. She has other family but is not close to any of them and this upsets her (dh's sister has several dc and grandkids, none of whom are in contact with MIL). I know she will be very very sad when BIL dies (even tho he wasn't much company for her, often impatient with her and staying up in his room most of the time, but at least he was there in the same house as her).

Please don't say she can come and live with us. DH and I don't want this. We have young DC and she would drive dh mad within days. I work from home too.

Social services have said they're happy with how she's coping and they don't think she needs any care. (Am not sure about this as the house is in a terrible state and she doesn't wash). But I do feel guilty that she is by herself and would like her life to be as nice as possible.

Has anyone any advice?

OP posts:
royguts · 07/03/2013 18:08

Have a look at a site called, as they have some really helpful advice

DarrellRivers · 07/03/2013 18:10

Move to sheltered housing close to you when BIL dies

CocktailQueen · 07/03/2013 18:24

Thanks both. She is v independent and has always said she'll leave her house feet first! So she will prob be resistant to moving. But we will certainly consider it.
Thanks :)

OP posts:
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