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Elderly parents

Fed up of losing my Sundays. She just won't be budged!

13 replies

5inthebed · 23/09/2012 16:15

MIL, she is so stringent with her routine, she is starting to piss me off. Sorry, bit long

She moved into sheltered accommodation in February this year. There is a small low bath with a shower in there, which she is getting replaced to a walk in shower by SS, but as she is in a private place it takes longer than if she were in a council one. She has been told November/December.

Home has a communal shower she can use, it has a lock on the door, very safe, has the red pull cord if there are any problems. It is perfectly clean, and rather nice.

Only, she won't fucking use either of the showers as she can't get her leg the 18 inches to get over the little bath and she does not like the echoing in the communal one.

So every Sunday she comes to ours for a shower as we have a wet room (has a DS with SN) which she can use.

I do not begrudge her using this shower. I even bought her her own towels. What I do begrudge is how bloody much she expects us to stick to. She wants to be collected at 4 pm, no earlier or later. She refuses to change the day. She also expects to be fed, so I cannot do a Sunday dinner as she won't come earlier and wont eat it reheated. Can't go to my mams for dinner as mil took a huge huff last time we did and told her just ham sandwiches for tea. Starting to get limited as to what to cook as she is very fussy and won't eat most things we eat.

She lives a 3 minute walk from ours, but wants to be dropped off in the car as she doesn't want to catch a chill after her shower.

This is just a small example of her stubbornness, and I am getting fed up. DH not back yet from picking her up, won't be long before she is here and annoying me.

On the plus side, not long until December, hope the shower is in before Christmas.

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RandomMess · 23/09/2012 16:17

Sorry Sunday isn't convenient this week, can only do x instead and ignore the sulking?

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5inthebed · 23/09/2012 16:18

Have tried! She takes a huge huff and makes our lives he'll.

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ByTheWay1 · 23/09/2012 16:21

perhaps she is lonely and wants to spend Sunday with her family, instead of all alone in a sheltered home... perhaps if she wasn't so "stubborn" she would see no-one...

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whyme2 · 23/09/2012 16:21

Definitely time to ignore the sulking and leave some ham sandwiches out for tea. Also if she is your mil then can you be out and dh sort it? Or is that not possible with dc?

If she really wants to use your house then she does it at your convenience not hers and should be bloody grateful too.

Next time spit in her tea.

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MirandaGoshawk · 23/09/2012 16:22

How does DH feel about this? Can't her tell her, since she's his mother?

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whyme2 · 23/09/2012 16:22

She can only make your life hell if you let her.

Do you see her at other times apart from the sunday shower?

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5inthebed · 23/09/2012 16:38

She sees someone every day, and she is welcome here any day. I wouldn't mind her here on a Sunday if she came about 1pm or earlier, but she prefers to shower at 5.

If we do ask her to change, she does it then on the Sunday she calls us ill and either insists on being taken to a&e or one of us has to go down to sit with her until her "funny turn" finishes.

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5inthebed · 23/09/2012 16:38

We visit her every other day, sometimes more. As I said, she lives very close to us.

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RandomMess · 23/09/2012 18:19

urgh turn the phone off on the Sunday that you've cancelled or screen calls - I presume the sheltered accommodation person is on call if something serious did happen to her?

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5inthebed · 23/09/2012 19:40

Yes, she has red cords in every room and an alarm on her wrist should she not be able to get to a cord.

Have spent the last two hours trying to get an attendance allowance form filled in with her, she has no idea what any of her conditions are called yet she has had them for years.

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whyme2 · 23/09/2012 20:38

I do feel your pain - but I think you do have to protect your family a little. You don't need to be at her beck and call if she has all the safety features and she is not entirely on her own.

November will be here soon enough < crosses fingers for you >

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Mosman · 24/09/2012 14:43

I'd have paid for it to be installed myself by now, November isn't long now.

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Es100 · 11/10/2012 18:13

We have found a thing called Rally Round - its a website //rallyroundme.com where you create an account and put in things that people could help with (take Mum to the hospital on Wednesday, fix the light in Mum's bathroom, pick up some fruit for Mum etc). If anyone asks "is there anything I can do?" we now say "yes, give me your email address" and invite them into the Rally Round account and they can see the things that need doing. They can volunteer to do them if they like in which case they tell Rally Round and we can see who is doing what. It doesn't do the work for you but it does save a heck of a lot of phoning around and texting to organise help, especially if your family and friends are a bit spread out.