Mum in hospital

[CoffeeDog]

I had to call 999 for mum last week :( she was barley breathing but as she had seen dr. the day before she thought she was 'on the mend' she asked for help to get to the loo and me and dad tried to help her but her legs gave way and she just collapsed in the door frame so i called the ambulance as she was going blue

( she blames us - me more than dad for calling ambulance and 'dropping her' shes well over 20 stone and i just pshically couldn't hold her up...) we had to have 3 ambulance crews because of her size and the postions she was in - ALL 7 of the chaps were absolutley lovley.
fast forward they have decided she hasnt now broken her hip thankfully but has pulmany fibrosis and pnemonia - she is not doing well and is in high dependancy at local hosp.
Nurse/dr. came round last night and tried to discuss what mum wants to happen if she gets worse - life support etc. She didnt really understand what they are saying, my dad was freaking out and kept saying it wont come to that through will it.... I had a chat with nurse and she will try to talk to mum later when she is a bit more with it without my dad there - she has previousley said no to life support / thought about a DNR ect

My sister is not coping well - she has screamed/shouted at me and dad down the phone and told us to deal with it ourselves ( she was at work and couldn't leave) I know she dosn't mean it but it hurtfull and dad get upset with it (she can be a propper full on bitch when she wants too
) . We also dont know how much to tell my brother hes 36 in residential care home he has severe learning disabilities and will panic and worry.

I just feel everyone is leaning on me and if it wasn't for my lovley DH i think i would fall over.

I am gaoing to hospital after i drop the twins off at nursery and try to have a chat with mum about what she wants to do

just after a hug really ;0)

Well have one from me. I know how you feel - my dsis is abroad and I did feel it was all down to me. Like you - don't know what I would have done without DH. It is hard but you have to take care of yourself and your dc's - you can't help anyone if you're worn out yourself.

Thinking of you

Thankyou

She is not doing any better and my sister had another rant at my dad this morning :( poor bugger he is absolutley terrified - I found him home from work early shouting at brittish gas as they wouldnt let him pay his gas bill with mums debit card. He just broke down yelling at this poor woman that she is seriousley ill in hospital.....

He is comming over tonight for dinner and i am hoping the Dc's will cheer him up a bit, and give him something else to think about.

Still not sure what to do about my sister - I am texting her any updates i get but have not phoned her since she screamed at me - or what to say to my brother - he will only worry / annoy the hell out of the staff in his house as visting her would be too scary for him (have to wear aprons and she is connected to alot of machines etc)

Will have to check the cuboard for choclate ;)

Can you email your sister ? I was getting v stressed with my dsis and found phoning difficult - in the end sat down and composed a long, calm email laying out how I saw the situation and what I thought we should do. It is easier to gather your thoughts and you can change what you say before sending. I left mine overnight and went back and read it again before I sent it. You probably need to say you and your dad are upset by her behaviour but that you understand how upset she is.

With regard to utilities - like British Gas - it can be hugely frustrating talking to them as they forever quote "Data Protection". Is your dad's name on the gas/electric accounts ? If not you should phone while he is with you and explain the situation and ask if you can put his name on the account and have you named as a contact. They will need to speak to him and he can say he authorises you to speak to them.

It is really worth looking into getting Power of Attorney for situations like this - it can only be done while someone is "competent" but if your dad is agreeable it can be put in place and then it makes dealing with the electric company much easier.

Hope this helps

PS If your brother is happy/content then I would not say anything - if he's asking about your mum would he accept it if you said she's feeling a bit poorly and can't come to visit him for a few days -? Other wise I'd say nothing at all

hi op, sorry you are having such a tough time

I agree with everything readsalotgirl has said, down to dealing with your dsis

its not fair that everything seems to be left to one person, but that's what I've always found to be true