We are at crisis point - URGENT ADVICE NEEDED PLS

[OlympicGoldPennies]

I've been ill and having a load of treatment over the past two years and life has been all about my illness. Sadly whilst the focus has been on me we seem to have not noticed my mother's decline and it would seem that suddenly my brother and I are realising that she can no longer live independently. She needs help NOW (i.e. by next week as I have to go back to work and I am 150 miles away from her and my bro is the same distance in the other direction).

Can anyone tell me how I arrange for someone to come and check on her ASAP, help out etc with such short notice?

Hi.So sorry to hear-I'm no expert but try the social services-your mum's county council will have a website with a contact number .She may need a referral from her doctor or perhaps you could speak to her doctor.
Social services can arrange carers from an agency to visit or give you details of agencies to contact. She will need assessment to see what help she can have paid for or will need to fund. An occupational therapist will assess her needs and look for ways to help-such as a keysafe so carers can get in.
There is help out there-age concern are also good.
Hope this helps.

hi, I agree to contact social services, but IME they take forever and a day to sort anything out

in the first instance you need to get some help into your mums and you'll need to pay for private help if you arent nearby

your mum may qualify for attendance allowance to help with these costs, again this needs applied for by you on her behalf and it takes a while to establish

you could contact age concern, but if I were you I'd google private care near your mum, meet with them and see how much you can afford, then start going down the road of speaking to your mums local council to see what they can do for your mum

oh, and I hope you are feeling a bit better yourself, you sound like you have a lot on your plate, hope some of this advice help, but if it doesnt come back and we'll think some more

phone drs and say you worried about mum and explain what you and your brother can and cant do?

is she in her home or in shelter Housing (if in this phone warden) if she is in rented phone landlord
ring local council to get the life line /care line if she does not have it

www.carelineuk.com/ there are others out the council should have links to one

Hope you go ok at going to work and hope your mother copes ok

Thanks. Dr is coming today.

She is living in pretty rank conditions (dirt, grease and nicotine all over everything) so I've been cleaning but she hates me interferring so I feel awful about it. Should I just leave the mess? I'm worried about how unhygenic it is and she quite regularly tells me she's been sick or had the runs and I think it's because the place is filthy.

Could you arrange for your mother to go away (to some kind of care home) for a week or two, and get in a cleaning service to go right through her house and clean it while she is away? And maybe even a decorator to repaint? I know my mother had to do this with one of her elderly uncles whose house got so disgusting that it was impossible to employ any kind of carer?

Can your mother afford a carer? They can be found quite quickly through an agency if you have nice working conditions to offer them.

How much support does your mother require? My late father was wheelchair bound following a stroke and yet he lived independently in the family home for 7 years between being widowed and his own death aged 80. Do you think your mother could stay in her own home with support, can she wash and dress herself and crucially is she able to make it to the lavatory on her own? If she can do all of those things she may well be able to stay at home with support.

We made contact with his GP and Social Services not long after my mother died and we thought they responded very quickly with a basic care package. This consisted of morning and evening visits from care assistants who helped him wash and dress. He had to pay the top rate for this service but it enabled him to continue living in his home which is what he wanted more than anything.

He was able to do an awful lot for himself and he did hire in people to help with laundry and cleaning the house. There were a lot of adjustments to his routine and lifestyle but he was a very adaptable man which helped hugely.

I suppose it depends on how much help your mother needs and is willing to accept. Is she very stubborn or is there some flexibility there?

Bonsoir - she won't leave the house, even under that pretext, but we are facing a similar issue in terms of getting the house fit enough to employ someone. She is utterly determined to stay in the house and can afford to throw money at the problem, fortunately.

She needs morning and evening support and some good nutrition.

My mum is very far from adaptable but I think we're working towards a situation very much like the one Scott has described and maybe she'll start to feel more relaxed about it all.

When MIL had a fall and was very confused we found that we could arrange both carers visiting and lunches very quickly (saw the agencies on Friday to start on Monday) - the problem was that she didn't want strange people in her house so the carers were cancelled and then she decided that the lunch arrived too late for her (it was the end of the round so sometimes at 1.30) and that had to be cancelled.
She already had a cleaner - but thinks that the cleaner is stealing her old plates!

My mum has been ill and was not eating properly-I now stock her freezer with Mand S dinners for one-about£1.50-£2.50 which you chuck in the microwave-she loves them and is now eating better.Good luck.

My MIL who is 83 with mobility problems & start of dementia has carers going in morning & evening for personal assistance, someone pops at lunchtime to make a lunch. This is all through a private company as they have proven more organised that buying through soc servs. They will check she has taken her medication but not be responsible for giving it to her.

The Lifeline service has been invaluable now she has started to have the odd fall. As a doctor said to me 'well they can just as easily fall in a care home, it's nicer to be in familiar surroundings'.