Feeling lonely coping with father with alzheimers

[BlueCat83]

Hi I'm new to all this really so bear with me.

I'm 28 years old and my dad was diagnosed with early onset alzheimers about 5 years ago. I just feel so sad about it, initially I coped really well but just recently I keep remembering how my dad used to be when I was little and I'm fighting tears. I'm not really a tearful person but just recently it's been getting to me. I didn't have a the best relationship with my mum when I was younger so I was a complete daddy's girl. It's so strange how much I miss my dad yet I could go and see him now if I wanted, something I remind myself to be greatful for. It's just I'm not sure how much of him is still there. I keep thinking he's going to die, I don't know why, but I keep getting upset about it.

My main problem is I don't know anyone who understands. My friends and partners parents are young fit and healthy. I feel like I'm alone and this scares me. I'm usually a really strong person but have had a terrible year. Just wondered if anyone has any kind words of advise.

Im feeling bitter and angry that this is happening to me when I'm so young, I have a 9 year old son who my dad does recognise but I think he'll never know any of my other children when I'm blessed with them, or be able to make a speech at my wedding.

I want my dad back.

You poor thing. It's so hard. Mil is deteriorating fast but we were never that close but I cam see how hard it is for sil.
Have you got support from charities etc? Can't offer advice but lots of sympathy.
Would talking to a counsellor help? You are grieving- be gentle with yourself. Hugs

BlueCat83 - just to let you know am thinking of you. This is such a hard situation for anyone and tougher still for someone as young as you, when, as you say, all the people you know have healthy parents. I am a lot older, but really felt it after my parents died, when my dh still had his parents. It made me feel very alone.

Having talked to other people who have a relative with Ahlzeimers, they say that you start grieving for the person when they are still here, because they have changed from the person you know. Think this could explain your tearfulness. My Mum suffered from bad depression as she got older and did and said things which she would never have dreamed of if she had been well. It hurt a lot, but it helped me to think "it's the illness talking". She had actually said that about her own father, after he had had a stroke. You are going to see him and you are doing your best and that counts for a lot. Even if he doesn't remember you will be always be able to feel that you have done the right thing by him, whatever happens.

I have heard that the Ahlzeimer's Society are very helpful. Would it be worth contacting them? They must have experience of younger people like you, coping with early onset Ahlzeimers. Maybe they could put you in touch with others in your situation and offer you advice. Hope this helps.

I don't know if you are still looking at this thread, but I am in your situation too, my mum has dementia in her 50s. It is hard. You are doing some of the grieving now that you would do if they were gone.

I find that some weeks I can discuss it and be accepting, other times it is too much. I have found some comfort reading a forum for the type of dementia my mum has (not alzheimers), there are others out there you can reach out too, who understand too.

I find some comfort in being of practical help, although I find this difficult as I have 3 very young children and feel pulled in all directions. My friends have been sympathetic. Sadly my closest friends have lost parents too but we don't talk about it much because it all too raw. One friend lost her mum at a young age and says I should focus on how long I did have her for and feell grateful for that and that is of some comfort to me.

I find that a lot of people don't even want to think about their parents getting old, so don't want to talk about it. I'm 39, and my parents are in their 70s and very frail and mum has dementia. My friends parents, even if they are the same age are fit and well and travelling the world, so people don't want to talk about mobility scooters and buying in care

Bluecat, just to say I know exactly how you feel - all my friends have fit and healthy parents and even grandparents in some cases. They just don't get what Alzheimer's is or the impact it has. You're not alone though. We're here for you - the Alzheimer's Society website discussion board is also a great place to go for advice and support.