Paranoid father and power of attorney

[SarahLundsJumpers]

My father, who is in his seventies, has been paranoid for some years, but otherwise functioning reasonably, able to look after himself and have some hobbies. He is now starting to be more forgetful and to be inconsistent even within the same conversation.

My late mother's brother - who my father is barely in touch with - has been recommending for a while that we get a power of attorney drawn up whilst he is still fairly compos mentis, but I am very worried about raising it with him because of his paranoia. He has never so far seen me as a threat in his paranoid world-view (but at one time or another just about everyone else has been under suspicion, and he tends to think I and my family are at risk from them). I am worried that mentioning POA will make him see me as a thread and also make him feel that he has no one who is "safe" to talk to.

I asked his sister to talk about it with him as something to consider at their age, but she never gets round to it, and she is also a bit scared of him. He has quite a bad temper on occasion, though I haven't witnessed it for years.

He does not trust doctors and barely consults with them, so I can't ask his GP's advice. He doesn't have any close friends as he has never been sociable, shuns his former colleagues, and he is no longer interested in getting to know new people beyond small talk.

He does not consider that he is paranoid and would be very upset that I was talking about this.

Has anyone else had to deal with something like this? What did you do?

Didn't want your post to go unanswered, although I am no expert. We got power of attorney for my mother, before the law changed and it got more complicated. She was quite ill before she let us get it. The trouble is, if you don't, it is then very difficult to use the person's money to help look after them, in a nursing home or for carers. When the person is OK, it's very difficult to talk about a time when they won't be and when they are ill it is harder to achieve. The complication of paranoia makes it harder. I wonder if Age UK might be able to help with this, or perhaps MIND or the Mental Health Foundation - someone must have experience of how to approach someone with paranoia about this subject. It would be worth asking for advice, anyway. My mother did not like doctors and it does make life difficult, so I feel for you. Hope you manage to resolve the problem.

Thanks whitecloud.

Maybe I will need to contact an organisation like that. It's very wearing dealing with someone who is paranoid, and for a few years I have dreaded to think what it would be like if he needed a home help, sheltered accommodation or nursing home. It would be incredbily distressing for him as he would probably, knowing him, think staff were plotting against him, and he is quite cantankerous so it would bevery hard for the staff too. He is too much hard work for us to consider having him live with us full time, but phone calls and shorter visits are ok.

Sounds like my father.
In his case we took him to make his will after my mum died and the lawyer recommended to him that he set up a power of attorney at the same time. As the suggestion came from them rather than from us, he was more willing to accept it.
Registering it when time came was more challenging as his paranoia had increased but legally we had to tell him we were doing it. By that stage his dementia was more advanced and his short term memory had gone.
I'd suggest taking advice from Age UK, Alzheimer's Society or similar group.
I did a lot of pre briefing doctors and lawyers before he saw them. They won't discuss him directly with you unless you have PoA but a good one will accept information you give them and use it to direct conversation into a way that can then help you to help your dad.
I do feel for you OP. Dad died last year but dealing with his paranoia up till then was very wearing. We did however manage to move him into a good care home where he settled well.
There is a lot of help out there, don't be afraid to ask for it.

You do need to do something as it is expensive and challenging to do when your father no longer has power to make his own decisions.
Good luck.