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Elderly parents
Original poster

Need advice on how to help my parents!

16 replies

HarrietJones · 10/12/2011 22:17

My Grandad has lived pretty independently until a fall 6 weeks ago. My mum would clean & prep food & run around for him but not a lot in terms of actual care needs. He was refusing to wash often & eat much so she was concerned but he refused help.

His fall turned out to be a chest infection/weakness/frail combination & was in hospital until yesterday.

He's now gone to live with my parents. So far the SW screwed up the 2x day carers so it only started today rather than yesterday. He's been incontinent and really struggling with their stairs ( have got extra rails but he's weak, blind & it's a new to him house).

My mam is already v stressed and as he's in a worse state than she knew , they aren't able to leave him at home alone. I'm limited to how much I Can help due to work / kids / dh working shifts.

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StickyGhostofXmasPast · 10/12/2011 22:33

Is the outside care he will be getting going to be enough? Is it a twice daily visit? Can you get in touch with his SW and get him reassesed if not, and get them to refer him to an Occupational Therapist asap so that adjustments to your parent's home can be made to help him; i.e. a stairlift, extra rails, even a commode (if really needed). Insist it's a matter of urgency. His situation does sound like he should be near the top of OT waiting list.

Original poster
HarrietJones · 11/12/2011 07:33

He's got extra rails, a commode, 2x day care for getting up & going to bed and bathing. He's only there temporarily ( at the moment) so don't think they'll go for the stair lift ( not sure how easily that will be as there's 3 bends in the stairs). He didn't use his lift before either.
They've a downstairs loo & he's a commode in his room plus he's next to the bathroom.

In theory during the day he should be able to access the toilet v easily & parents can help him in & out of the chair if needed. In hospital he was taking himself but wearing pads 'in case'

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Original poster
HarrietJones · 11/12/2011 07:35

He's had OT before he came home.

SW not much good. Mum is putting a complaint in on Monday. I was dealing with out of hours for her yesterday as she's no Internet/landline to get the number/reliably get phone calls.

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Original poster
HarrietJones · 11/12/2011 19:23

Mums getting onto SW & OT tomorrow , think they will need at least another call a day. Also going to ask about incontinence service.

Any more tips?

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Fishandjam · 12/12/2011 20:23

Even with extra home care, do you think your mum will be able to cope? The stairs sound like a particular problem to me. YOu say he's there temporarily - do you know where he's scheduled to go next - back to his own home, or into care?

canyou · 12/12/2011 20:30

Ok there should be a care plan and that can be reviewed, The OT should do an assessment in the hosp for the care plan and another in the home to make the environment safe.
Can the lose a room down stairs so that he sleeps on the ground floor and does not need to navigate the stairs? It is a pain we lost sitting room to make my Grandmother a safe no stair bedroom years ago and it was crap
Is the district nurse involved she can get you the pads which may make your Grand father feel safer.

canyou · 12/12/2011 20:35

Can he go to a day centre once a week? Ask if there are spaces, Can you give any block of time even just to visit and let your Mum go out, meet friends, shopping etc

Original poster
HarrietJones · 12/12/2011 21:56

Only two rooms downstairs he refused to move with them when they were looking 4 months ago

No day centre.

No district nurse involvement. Just untrained nice care assistant.

OT didn't do a home assessment , just sent her assistant to measure up. Mum trying to get them again.

Told her to ask for incontinence nurse when they do the 'new patient' appt at the GP this week.

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Original poster
HarrietJones · 12/12/2011 21:59

No long term plan. He's no worse physically ( except for more incontinent) than when he went in hospital. He was living independently with basic home help from my mum. He's lost a lot of confidence.

If we can set up an alarm system my parents could leave him for short periods. But at the moment they haven't got phone line set up. still waiting for talktalk to pull their finger out

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canyou · 12/12/2011 22:09

Get the district nurse involved she is really important when you need stuff done
RE the incontinence it maybe that he now gets more infections esp if hygiene is poor Sad which can lead to confused behaviour,
The panic alarm is a curse and a blessing but make sure a neighbour has a key so if need be they can go and check if you are all from the house

Original poster
HarrietJones · 12/12/2011 22:14

Would the GP sort that?

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canyou · 12/12/2011 22:30

TBH The GP was for medical problems, social care, safety in the home, care in the home, day centres meals on wheels all came under the care of the District Nurse but if your Mum has appts made with others she needs to push them to help put her in touch with these things, also ask about respite care she will need it even when/if he goes back to his own house.

Original poster
HarrietJones · 13/12/2011 08:10

No chance of respite care if past experience is anything to go by. 15 years of caring for my Nanna who was worse physically & only got 2 weeks. Budgets have been cut since then Confused

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twentyten · 13/12/2011 15:40

Hi Harriet.you poor thing.Have you tried age UK or crossroads for help with sitters etc? It sounds tough but keep going.

canyou · 13/12/2011 20:37

Go in to talk to the DR and the District Nurse and then cry it works Blush

Original poster
HarrietJones · 13/12/2011 20:42

I'll tell my mum that one!

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