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Elderly parents

If your mum was sexually assaulted at the nursing home....

19 replies

QuintessentialShadow · 15/11/2011 21:59

My mum was moved from the psychiatric ward (after she was sectioned due to Levy Body dementia) to a nursing home just before Easter. All was well (well, as good as it could be under the circumstances) until they got a new patient in her sheltered unit. It is debatable whether he is in the right place, due to his aggressive behaviour and violent outbursts, but he is there, and nothing much seems to be done about it.

He attacked my sister and beat her to the ground in July, when my sister was visiting my mum with our two aunts. The nursing home manager thinks it is best if my sister does not come to visit mum "if that is the effect she has on him".

He has since come into mums room, and threatened to have her head chopped off, unless she sleeps with him.
The staff said this was not credible, as mum has Alzheimers, she does not know what she is talking about. They have urged mum to NOT tell her family when things like this happens (in my presence) so as not to worry us, but tell them instead. Hmm

She has come into her room on two occasions since and found him in her bed, undressed, telling her to get in with him. She has gone to staff and asked for him to be removed. This is on record.

We have complained. We have been promised that she will be moved. Fine, we want her to move to a nursing home closer to my dad. But, this has now been going on for 3 months, and she is still not moved. By now, neither the nursing home, nor the people in charge of placements, are responding to our calls.
We know the whole sorry saga has been mismanaged from the very first case of violence from this man (my sister was a health and safety manager).
Is it unreasonable for us to go to the papers in an attempt to get things moving, when the official channels seem to work against us?

I have NOT name-changed, as I dont want any calls of trolling (due to the current news articles in the uk), and I am hoping for sensible replies. Thanks muchly. And as most of you who recognize me will now, this is not happening in the Uk.

OP posts:
mrstiredandconfused · 16/11/2011 00:09

Oh Quint I'm so sorry- you're having a pretty crap time of it as is without this vile man to deal with as well.

Fwiw I'd be screaming at ANYONE who I thought could help- be that the police, ss, media or local govt/council/mp. It is utterly unacceptable that your mum is in this position and quite frankly the home sounds worse than useless. Telling your sis not to visit is beyond ridiculous.

Yadnbu in thinking about approaching media, but it might also be worth getting specialist legal advice too. They owe a duty of care to your mum and atm they are failing in that duty.

I remember your threads well [stalker emoticon] - how are you bearing up?

bemybebe · 16/11/2011 00:17

As mrs said. Sad
I wish you all the strength and all luck. I must be just awful.

Daisy1986 · 16/11/2011 00:24

As above go to whoever you have to to get your mum moved to a different home. Its a very topical issue and I would imagine an MP wouldnt want that sort of attention on their constituncy so maybe a letter to them might be in order.

AnyFucker · 16/11/2011 00:26

fucking hell quint

you do what you gotta do

this situation cannot be allowed to continue !!

joanofarchitrave · 16/11/2011 00:36

I would report the assault on your sister and the sexual harrassment of your mother to the police. I would send a complaint about the home to the Care Quality Commission (I might not spend ages on that one given its current problems, but still, I would get it on the record).

Could your mother cope with a new kind of lock on her door?

readsalotgirl · 18/11/2011 19:38

I can't imagine how awful this must be - I would seek legal advice and as others have said go to the police. I'm relatively new to mumsnet - if you're not in the UK where are you (or am I not supposed to ask that ??)

bigTillyMint · 18/11/2011 19:44

OMG that is terrible.

As AF says, do what you hve to do.

LadyInPink · 18/11/2011 19:47

OMG Quintess I have read your post in horror. Am so shocked that it's been 3 months and they aren't even responding to your calls Shock

It would have been enough to complain to the police when your sister was assaulted - can't believe they blamed her and stopped her visiting your mum - but this is very serious. Do what you need to, to get her moved and to get this man moved sectioned before he starts on someone else.

I am so sorry this has happened, i can't imagine what a time of it you have had and send you strength to get to the bottom of it once and for all.

reelingintheyears · 05/12/2011 14:25

I have followed your story a bit Quintessential and this is just awful.

Could you not still go to the Police over the assault on your sister?

It sounds like you really have to get her moved as soon as possible.

My mum lives 200 miles away and recently fell and hurt herself badly and i had to go there for two weeks till she was ok enough for me to come back.

The distance is a huge worry,i can only imagine how you are feeling.

Is your sister near her and can they really stop her from visiting?

Surely not.Sad

VivaLeBeaver · 05/12/2011 14:28

Quint, I don't know what country you're in but is there nothing like social services that you can contact for help?

VivaLeBeaver · 05/12/2011 14:29

And definetly not unreasonable to go to the papers.

cartblanche · 05/12/2011 14:45

This must be so distressing for you and your family - I don't know what to say.

It is a terrible situation when you have to entrust the care of a loved one to those allegedly more "qualified" and then this trust is abused. I would be calling in the police/social services as this man needs to be isolated or be constantly supervised and maybe bringing the law into the issue might speed this up. I am outraged at the suggestion that your sister shouldn't visit because she obviously "provoked" the attack Shock I don't know what your general experiences have been with regard to your mother's care in this place but their appalling laxity in this matter would worry me HUGELY. Do they care??

I am so sorry you find yourself in such a difficult situation.
Whatever happens - I hope you find a way through it and that your mother gets out of harm's way.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 05/12/2011 14:50

OMG that it outrageousSad

Your dsis should report the assault on her to the police and you should go to whoever will listen to get your mum moved.

That is truly shockingSad you mum is an extremely vulnerable adult due to her dementia and they need to deal with this man. It sounds like his placement is no appropriate.

Tianc · 05/12/2011 14:51

Oh good god! Sad

Hope this isn't too frivolous, but I've among Xmas prezzies I've been browsing is a secret camera in a clock. More similar stuff here.

Would something like that be helpful in the short term? Although moving her does sound like the ultimate aim.

FlamingoBingo · 05/12/2011 14:54

Quint - am PMing you x

QuintessentialyFestive · 05/12/2011 16:28

Oh, I had forgotten this thread! Thank you for your kind words and thoughts!

We have involved somebody higher up, and the man in question has been removed to a different type of unit now.

We have some reassurance that she will be moved to a carehome closer to my dad so he, and more family, can visit more regularly.

I am really annoyed that this situation has been allowed to continue for so long. But as soon as we wrote to the most senior in the council who deals with medical care in general, ccing in an inspecting body, it did not take long for the man to be moved out of the home.

Tianc · 05/12/2011 16:32

But also Angry.

reelingintheyears · 05/12/2011 17:56

So glad something has been done at last.
Hope you get your Mum nearer home soon.

cartblanche · 06/12/2011 13:03

Glad that things are sorted. Good luck with getting a carehome closer to your Dad.

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