It's so sad...

[lookoveryourshoulder]

.... sometimes I wish it was easier.... and with no blame...

My Mother has been in a Nursing home for near on 7 years now - for the last 6.99 years she has no quality of life . She does not recognise any of her family, you cannot hold a conversation with her, she cannot move, she is doubly incontinent and barely alive...having lost over 6 stone and more... her spirit and soul seem to have long gone..

She would have passed away years ago if it was not for the wonderful care that she has received in her Nursing Home - flu jabs etc etc. They do such a wonderful job and treat her with great respect...

I have had a conversation with her (prior to her brain shunts,stroke etc ) where we discussed "end of life" stuff - she would not want to live like this and it breaks my heart everytime I see her.... I can't do anything...

I guess we are getting to the end stage now as she is barely awake each time I visit.....

How do you cope - I just want the end to be now - is that cruel and heartless...

lookover, that's not heartless at all. I can sympathise with you feeling powerless. No words of wisdom I'm afraid, just some gentle hugs.

Gentle hugs from me too. She is being cared for - what about you? Give yourself space and time too. Would you talk to a counsellor ? It's such a tough time.

Those are half past midnight thoughts. Be kind to yourself.

No - you are not cruel and heartless. She wouldn't want to live like this as she said - I wouldn't either. What measures are in place? It must be horrid for you to see her like this. I have no advice, just hugs.

op, hugs from me too

a while ago my mum said to me "they keep you alive too long now", and at the time I wondered what she meant

now I see her quality of life and I know what she means

its so sad and heartbreaking, I'm just sending you sympathy and empathy too

xx

and you are not cruel and heartless, you are a loving daughter who can't bear to see her mum suffer

you are just human

op - lots of sympathy. It is hard to see someone you love linger with no quality of life. I was very grateful that my dad went really quite quickly at the end as he had been in poor health for some time and was very frustrated and angry at his own incapacity - he hated not being able to do things that he'd once done easily. I think when you know someone well and know what they have been like it is hard to see them incapacitated - and not heartless at all to want better than that for those you love.

I think the hardest thing ever is seeing someone you love, gradually decline and everything that gave them joy and independence disappear.

Of course you want to see an end to this because you are already grieving for her. And it so physically and emotionally exhausting worrying about her. You cannot switch off, you hardly dare plan anything.

You are not heartless and cruel. She's a lucky mummy to have a daughter like you. She can probably hear you and that will bring her comfort.

Oh I have tears in my eyes now...