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Elderly parents

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Original poster

how do you stop them driving? Can you??

15 replies

elliott · 10/09/2011 18:19

My 82 yr old father has quite significant physical and mental limitations - very weak legs (can't really walk unaided) and 'mild' cognitive impairment.He's recently been in hospital, followed by a stint in residential care which we (his children) organised - but he is very keen to get home so with some trepidation we are trying to set up home care (he has savings so this is all self financed and organised).
He has no insight into his limitations and is therefore very difficult to help/support. He is also determined to keep driving. We've tried to suggest that this isn't a great idea, but he is very stubborn and won't listen. We have managed to send information to DVLA, but have no idea whether a decision has been made as they won't tell us anything. It seems to be extraordinarily difficult to get anyone medical to take responsibility for assessing whether he can drive. What can we do? What SHOULD we do?

I have lots of other issues about trying to sort out care for him, but this one is the most pressing...

Oh, and the fact that he thinks he is going to go on holiday abroad in October - when he hasn't even down the street on his own for 3 months.

OP posts:

Shallishanti · 10/09/2011 18:24

it sounds like he really shouldn't drive.
Someone I know was involved in a very serious car crash as a result of an elderly and not competent driver (the driver and his passenger were killed)
it's really not worth the risk.
I think the AA may have some advice on this- may be worth looking at their ws.

Original poster

elliott · 10/09/2011 18:27

Well, I know its not advisable, but it seems very difficult to do anything practical about it.
We have tried going through official channels, I have tried enlisting the help of his GP to talk to him, but nothing seems to be effective. In the last few days I sent a long e-mail to DVLA logging my concerns but I don't hold out much hope for any action. Its all very frustrating.

OP posts:

Shallishanti · 10/09/2011 18:45

what about sabotaging the car?

omnishambles · 10/09/2011 18:47

Elliott have you spoken to what used to be age concern? they are really very good with all sorts of things. They can give you advice and also go round to see him.

What would be the alternatives where he is to not driving?

ssd · 10/09/2011 20:24

op, would it be worth speaking to his gp? I have found people of his generation (my mum) listen to doctors when they don't listen to us

might be worth trying?

CMOTdibbler · 13/09/2011 20:32

Its really hard isn't it ? My mum is a bloody liability in a car (her friends will no longer get in a car with her), but it seems its very hard to get someones license removed.

An0therName · 13/09/2011 20:35

I think the GP can in fact contact the DVLA if they think the person shouldn't drive - so I would try to have another dicussion with them -

gramercy · 16/09/2011 13:17

Fil's driving is terrible. He drives at about 5 mph and hits every kerb going. His Polo looks like one of those stock cars.

Anyway, after a hip replacement his GP told him it was up to his own conscience whether he continued to drive. Dh's brother offered to go out with fil and give his honest opinion as to whether he should stop driving. However, fil is determined and mil would divorce him if he couldn't chauffeur her around.

Pootles2010 · 16/09/2011 13:19

The GP said that gra? Seriously? My god. Talk about dodging responsibility.

newbeliever · 16/09/2011 13:26

We had a similar problem with my MIL. We worried for years; but I think everyone in her village came to know her car and to keep out of her way.

We tried everything and ironically, she unwittingly stopped herself from driving as she insisted on upgrading her car (clever salesman when her car was in for a service) only to find that she couldn't drive it. The car sat unused on her drive and that was that.

jacksgrannie · 13/10/2011 03:48

We had exactly this problem with my father. He was nearly ninety at the time and no-one other than my mother or non-drivers would travel with him for years. Then mum died and his driving worsened. We approached his GP who referred him to a geriatric consultant. She did a home visit and assessed him. She spoke to him and suggested he should stop driving - he was furious! She then wrote a letter to him explaining that if he did not give up voluntarily she would have to write to the DVLA.

Armed with this letter, we persuaded him to stop.

I would suggest that you and the family refuse to help him with any car-related issues, such as arranging insurance, sorting out repairs etc. If necessary, you could "lose" the car keys.

My uncle also insisted on driving until he was ninety and almost killed himself and a by-stander when he stepped on the accelerator instead of the brake when parking in the doctor's surgery. He still continued driving after the accident and only stopped when my cousin refused to arrange the car MOT for him.

MERLYPUSS · 29/10/2011 20:24

I told my dad to SORN the car over the winter (an I would drive him) so that he didnt have to run his battery flat warming and de-icing it just to go and pay the paper bill. Said we would put it back on the road in the new year. In the new year we will reort to plan B....... whatever that may be......

Fenouille · 18/12/2011 19:51

A bit late, but with my grandfather, my father and his sister sold his car while he was in hospital having his hips done (don't know if they had PoA or the details but the car was 'disappeared' by the time he got home). He'd been a dangerous driver for years but he would never have voluntarily given up driving. Of course there were ructions and it sounds awful written like that but we had a moral obligation to stop him.

I would take him out for drives and right up until his death at 96 he was still insisting he would have been perfectly safe, "It's all those other drivers who are going way too fast."

Unfortunately I can see I'll have to perform something similar on my father at some point. I can understand it's horrible losing your independence but running a car these days is so expensive you could probably make a financial argument to give up the car and take taxis instead.

suburbophobe · 18/12/2011 23:23

I think the tip about "losing the keys" to the car is spot on.

Not only are you protecting them but everyone else out on the roads!

ToxicMoxie · 19/12/2011 23:27

We got my grandfather's GP to write a letter to MVD and they revoked his license. So he got a letter direct from the department, and never knew we had instigated the proceedings. It saved us and him from embarrassment and fighting.

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