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Elderly parents
Original poster

this is a NEW TOPIC, called "Elderly Parents", its on "other stuff"

47 replies

ssd · 10/09/2011 17:55

just wanted to bring this to peoples' attention

it started about a week ago but its not had much traffic yet

most posters probably don't know its there (or here!)

its located in "other stuff"

feel free to use it when you need to!

OP posts:
Ponders · 10/09/2011 18:00

does it mean elderly parents of MNers, or MNers who are elderly parents? Wink

paulapantsdown · 10/09/2011 18:11

If MNHQ have created this in response to the thread last week re members wanting a thread to discuss the pressures of them HAVING elderly relatives and the stresses involved, then this maybe what this is.

Which is great.

However.... the overwhelming concenous (sp) was that it should not be called Elderly Parents as it would cause confusion! And it has. Confused

elliott · 10/09/2011 18:14

Yes, I thought there was a suggestion of 'coping with elderly relatives' or something similar. Even just 'elderly relatives' might be less confusing.
Anyway since i was one of the people who said it would be useful, maybe I'd better post something!!

NormaStanleyFletcher · 10/09/2011 18:22

Yay to topic. I don't need it yet but joined the call for it.

omnishambles · 10/09/2011 18:28

I am going to be posting here but under a namechange.

Original poster
ssd · 10/09/2011 20:19

hi all, ye,s hope there's not too much confusion, its for those of us with elderly parents or relatives to discuss/rant/ask advice/whatever you need it for

hope its useful to anyone who needs it

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 11/09/2011 10:32

bump

OP posts:
FigsAndWine · 12/09/2011 12:59

Yay ssd you got your thread! Excellent. Smile

Original poster
ssd · 20/09/2011 22:36

just thought I'd keep bumping this, think its not that well known yet

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 21/09/2011 18:37

bump

OP posts:
maydaychild · 14/01/2012 20:31

Just bump
I read some useful stuff. Thanks!!

Original poster
ssd · 14/01/2012 23:24

great maydaychild, hope it helps

OP posts:
funnyperson · 07/03/2012 20:23

I am going to have a rant about my 83 year old mum. I am fed up fed up fed up with the way she doesn't take her medication and acts like a complete martyr as if she is at deaths door all because she wont take her medication. I am also fed up fed up fed up with the way she always implies how much better a mum than I she is/was and how nothing I ever do for my children ever quite measures up to what she did /does and how she knows best in every situation ( she doesnt). She always implies she can cook better than I, mother better than I and generally keep a sweeter temper than I.
Its awful but I would like her to be a million miles away and out of my life and leave me to be a mum without her constant interference. I am 54 years old this is too too much.

Original poster
ssd · 07/03/2012 22:52

funny, rant away!!

I can sympathise, my mum is around the same age, doesn;t criticize but can drive me nuts in her own way

its just so bloody hard all round, isn't it Sad

OP posts:
40notTrendy · 07/03/2012 22:57

My 90 grandad is testing my mum to her limit. I'm really worried about her and the impact it's having on her well being, caring for him. I'm glad there's someone on mn that I can post more about this. Smile

40notTrendy · 07/03/2012 22:57

90 year old Blush
It's late...!

Original poster
ssd · 07/03/2012 23:05

hi 40, as my old mum says "old age doesn't come alone, its only for the brave"

keep posting, lots of us get it

OP posts:
40notTrendy · 08/03/2012 08:08

Ah blimey, just re-read....somewhere!!!! Blush I must have been tired!
Yep, lots to tell. We have been feeling very isolated but I'm hoping to find some others who may have similar experiences to help us deal with my mum's ddad.

Original poster
ssd · 08/03/2012 08:17

yes, its the isolation thats one of the worst things

often I feel like I'm missing a generation in my family, my kids are young and my mum is in her 80's

there isn't much emotional support out there to deal with all this if you haven't got any family to support you

dh is great, but its not his mum and he's a bit removed from how I feel about it all, I'm fed up complaining to him

I can imagine you could fill this page with your stories 40, I could too

we're not alone! (just keep saying that to yourself!!)

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 08/03/2012 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingeroots · 08/03/2012 09:35

oh I had a rant over here on relationships .
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1413817-bad-relationship-with-91-year-old-mother-help-me-keep-pretending
not only does my mother drive me mad but I allow her to diminsh me .
FunnyPerson you are not alone in wishing your mother was a long way away .

The thing is I'm quite able to explain/excuse my mothers behaviour - tough upbringing ,miserable /anxious personality - but it still drives me mad .

40notTrendy · 08/03/2012 16:51

What we find most difficult at the moment is that he needs to eat regularly, drink regularly and get up and move about regularly. He just won't! He eats a mouthful of the meals he gets, a few sips of either tea or ribena, and sits on the sofa all day, or lies in bed.
Carers go in twice a day, mum visits twice a week (minimum) and we go when we can. We are watching him diminish before our eyes but feel helpless, we can't force feed him, or force him to drink. It almost feels like he's choosing not to eat and we just don't understand why.
We nearly lost him at Christmas, we thought it was something in his prostate (he wears a permanent catheter) but it was a water infection, combined with lack of food/water/exercise Sad.

Original poster
ssd · 08/03/2012 22:42

I hate to say this 40, but maybe he's had enough Sad

my mum once said "they keep you alive too long now" and I can understand what she means

it does sound a miserable existance for him, and all of you to watch

sorry to be blunt, know it must be so hard for your mum

OP posts:
40notTrendy · 10/03/2012 09:48

ssd, I think that's what's at the back of our minds Sad.
At the moment he seems to be picking a fight with anyone he comes into contact with. And he's incredibly skilled at employing emotional blackmail on my mum. She is learning to detach from it but it makes her feel guilty. And that's when I start to worry.
Ps just us on this thread then? Grin

gingeroots · 10/03/2012 11:54

no ,not just you .
But I've nothing helpful to add really .
He sounds depressed - and who wouldn't be in his circumstances really .
Does sound as though he's given up , I hope for all your sakes that the end comes sooner rather than later .

But you could try talking to GP ,talking to Social Services to have him reassesed ,maybe consider respite care for him ?