How can I help my ds be more confident?

[schroeder]

Every year when my ds brings his report home and when we have parent/teacher meetings the same thing comes up.

He is shy and lacks confidence,he struggles a bit when he doesn't listen properly and doesn't ask questions.

Arghh it's so frustrating to know how much this single issue is holding him back, not just academically, but in his friendships too.

Has anyone had any success in improving their child's confidence? Or should I resign myself to the fact there's little I can do.

I would welcome your advice.

P.s He is 11 and starts secondary school in September.

Does he do any clubs? What is he good at? I believe that when they find something they are good at, the confidence from that can spill over and help them be more confident at lots of other things.

Hi schroeder, my 10 yr is not 'diagnosed' but shows all the symptons of mild d.( We are looking into it now!) What keeps his head up above water in the confidence stakes is that he has a very vivid imagination and loves Indiana Jones/ Starwars. His main escape from reality is lego ( masses of it!) I get him to talk me through what it is he has built and why he thought he had to build it a certain way. Sometimes I get him to explain to me what to build and I build it! I find doing this gives him the feeling of being a bit of an expert on something and with lots of praise and compliments he gets an ego boost out of being really good at something...He finds it hard to hold on to friends as, though not backward in coming forward, his live wire mind and controling habits, put other kids off after a short while! And that does knock his confidence. He also has got into a swimming club where, though he is technically good at his strokes, he will never be the fastest and win races, but he dosn't mind because the coach will always call on him to demonstrate to the others how to swim properly!!!!
Anyway he upshot of this is, find anything you can that he seems to either enjoy or shows any aptidude for and PRAISE the &^%* out of him!!!! Even if you have to pretend to be daft!!It's hard work sometimes and you feel like you have an 'Air Hostest'smile glued to your face but believe me as a parent, your the only one who knows your son best and therefore do the best for him!!

Thanks for that knoxy-it seems to be the concensus that I need to try and find something he can be really good at.

The problem I have is he doesn't want to and I don't want to force him. I have to force him to do so many things( wash his face, have a bath, tidy his room, change his underwear,do his homework)He resents it(and me)if I push him into things. I will continue to rack my brain

(Sorry I don't know what you mean by"mild undiagnosed d.")

Let him find his own level - it will happen, eventually! Maybe he will never be the most popular kid in the class but, as he moves to a larger school, he will find others with similar attitudes and with whom he can form friendships. A friend's son was a "young fogey" from the age of about 8! Now, at 23 this young man has a small group of like-minded mates and a well-paid job!

Some people are introverts and no amount of encouragement will ever make them anything else. By all means encourage him but he may be one of those individuals who, when you tell them to go one way, will, out of sheer obduracy, do the complete opposite!