Brick Wall

5 replies

DawnsOwl · 07/07/2010 23:39

Hi,
I'm a long time reader but never posted before. I feel I have hit a brick wall with my DD1. She's 22 now but has been hit severly with M.E. since she was 14, and she is still suffering terribly with the constant relapsing aspect of the illness. As soon as she has a cold she is on her back for 6 weeks.

She has recently been accepted with full funding at a drama school in London. She has never lived away from home before without support and we are now constantly at loggerheads with each other because I know and I think she does that her health will not stand up to such a rigorus training. I obviously cannot stop her, she is an adult now. But I cannot describe the heart-breaking process of putting her back together after a relapse. She used to be a county level netball player. Her GP has said she doesn't know how many more relapses her body can physically take. But this course is her dream and I know that. I would move to be near to her but I have DD2 who has Aspergers and cannot bare that sort of change in her life.

Can anyone help me see a way forward? I am desperate.

OP posts:

mnistooaddictive · 08/07/2010 04:04

You have to let her do it. As heartbreaking and difficult as it maybe, you can't stand in her way or she will always resent you.

cory · 08/07/2010 07:29

This could be me in a few years time. Dd also has a medical condition that means she collapses from overstrain, and her dream is also to do drama. The one thing that comforts me is that I work in Higher Education and I have seen how much things have changed regarding disability and how much more knowledgeable and supportive we are now than we used to be. My best advice to your dd would be to submit a disability report to the school and let them know the moment she runs into difficulties- rather than struggle on until it is too late.

nickschick · 08/07/2010 07:34

DawnsOwl - my ds has the same condition.

I know exactly how you feel.

She has to do this,she has to manage her symptoms her life herself.

You, love ,just like me will have to wait on the side and wait and watch.

Either she will with determination and luck - manage.

or she wont.

BUT she can never claim you stopped her.

ageing5yearseachyear · 08/07/2010 10:56

obviously you cant put conditions on her going but you can do a few things

the college must have a disability support office. can you/she contact them and see what help is available? can she discuss with her tutors how work can be varied to take account of her disability?

can she have some counselling to help her think through how she can explain to her new friends about her disability?

she must have talent to have got the place, i guess you can do nothing but encourage her

Original poster

DawnsOwl · 08/07/2010 13:48

Thank-you all for your responses. They have really helped. As a parent I think the natural thing is to step in and try and protect her. I think had she been going to a traditional university and studying a normal course, it would have been much easier. Their hours are much shorter and work could be done around how well she's feeling. Drama school timetables are such that they are 9-5 with a lot of outside work to do. Disabilties in drama schools is a rarity so we're really making footprints on a path that's pretty unknown or so her course tutor says!

I rang the college and we have an appointment on the 20th to hopefully air any problems, whether that be me, her or the school.

She is unbelievably talented and nothing would give me greater joy than to see her succeed. She's had such a bad few years, she missed that growing into an adult phase and doesn't really have many friends. She deserves it but I'm petrified of her ending up back at home, depressed, on a nasal feed with her confidence shattered. It's taken us 5 years to get her this far. Thank-you all again

OP posts:

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