I really need to calm down about schools...

[minko]

Please try and help and not hype me up more!

We have moved house to a new town 20 miles away as we were stuck with rubbish schools in our previous area.

DD was in a very good Catholic school but as we weren't Catholic DS and it had become oversubscribed DS couldn't get in (no sibling rule for non-Caths. and I wasn't prepared to 'pretend')

Now DD is going to a school that seemed good on visiting and gets a 'Good' Ofsted, but our new neighbours are suggesting we should put her on the waiting list for the 'outstanding' school their DD goes to. I know the waiting list is v. long for it so discounted even trying for that one although it is much closer to the house.

I just thought I had the school thing sorted and now I am in turmoil again. It has completely taken the shine off our new home and everything. I feel really upset.

You sound very panicked and stressed - is there something that needs to be decided right now? Can you put your dd on the waiting list for the other school, and make your decision if/when a place comes up? Are you happy so far with dd's new school? Is there anything else that's making you feel so upset?

Thanks Hester. I am hugely stressed what with being in a new area. Knowing no-one. Loads of work needs doing to the house. And the dreaded summer holiday is coming up.

But most of all, we moved to sort out schooling and now I feel like we haven't succeeded.

Not sure what I can do about the waiting list thing. I spoke to someone at the Ed Authority yesterday but they seemed to imply we blew our chance when we accepted DD's place at her new school. I am speaking to someone else in Admissions about the possibility this afternoon.

Who cares what your neighbours think?? Are you happy with the school your child is now going to?

I was. Now I'm not sure. Fickle I know. It's just Mrs Neighbour has made me doubt my judgement. She also mentioned that DD's school was under special measures a few years ago. They have just got a new head so whilst it's now 'good', surely that will only improve things further?

I am also a bit worried about what sort of neighbour we now have and if she is the sort to lord it over us...

If you thought your choice was good then it probably is, and if your child is happy and making progress then it doesn't matter if a school is good or outstanding, there's more to it than OFSTED ratings. Perhaps try and talk to other parents with children at the school you have chosen and stop worrying especially about other people's opinions!!

People tend to be very emotional about their school choices.

I have a friend whose sone didn't get into school A, and went to school B. Next year his younger sister got into school A and went there, but then was miserable. They ended up moving her to a private school. Mother feels guilty she didn't send daughter to school B all along. I know from having worked in school B it would have been disastrous for the daughter (although the son has done fine).
She is very negative when I talk about my children being at school A. I bite my tongue because she wouldn't believe me how much worse it would have been for her daughter at school B.

So go on your impressions, and your DCs impressions. Ask your daughter which she would rather be at?

Find a way to meet people and don't over stress the school thing.

Ignore your neighbour, she sounds vile. It never ceases to amaze me how many unpaid OFSTED inspectors there are out there who claim to know everything about everyone elses choice of school. So what if her kids school is outstanding? That does not guarantee that her DD will do better than yours. And as you have said, if it was in sp. measures and is now graded good it means that things are now in place to give the children a good start in life. I had a friend who decided to send her DS to an "outstanding" primary rather than to the "Satisfactory" one that mine go to because she could not see past the outstanding rating; roll on a couple of years and her DS's school has been down-graded to good, OH, and my kids school has been upgraded to a "Good". Does this matter to the kids? Of course it doesnt. Relax and be the supportive, interested parent that you need to be.

Wasn't implying that you are not already supportive and interested BTW, you clearly are.

People always want to think that they have made the best choice for their dc and bragging about how wonderful their school is is quite common ime.
If you are happy with the school then don't panic. My dc were at a school that was not considered the most "desirable" by many of our neighbours but they had just as good an education and I think were happier and more well rounded. The main differences between the schools were the amount of money raised by the PTA and the glitz of the summer fair (much less in our school) - but this is not something I would have moved schools for.

Only thing I would advise is to keep an eye on how your dc are progressing and if you see any gaps then make sure you fill them before it is too late - this is something I would advise any parent whether their kids are at outstanding or good school.

Keep calm and good luck!

If you are happy with the school your DD goes to now just leave her there. Just ignore your neighbour.

Never choose or judge a school on what other people say.Always look at a school with an open mind and choose the right school for your child .Do not worry about where other people are sending their kids you need to know that your child will be happy.

Why are you listening to your neighbours?

Don't listen to them. I sent DS to a school just because everybody else said it was great. It didn't suit him, and I had to move him after a year.

I al;so know people who try and persuade me to send my DC to independent schools, because their DC go there and they are fab, etc.

I can't afford to, but even if I could I wouldn't because I like to make up my own mind about things, and listening to other people about what might be good for me doesn't seem to work out.

My best friend told me DH was a tosser when I first met him, ans shouldn't bother to call him after he gave me his number. Turns out she was quite wrong!

pull yourself together minko!

you moved and carefully chose this school for both your dc. you are happy with it. it is a good school.

the world is full of people only too happy to give you the low down on their views of local schools. let me give you an example. where i live there are 3 primary schools in walking distance. 2 are ofsted outstanding- 1 is good with outstanding features. you could move into area and send your child to any of these schools and be happy with it until you speak to a parent who sends their kid to the different school up the road who has a view ( that they learned off someone they spoke to once at a playschool gate) that their choice is better than yours. It is madness.

whats more, in my humble view, what makes your childs education good is whether they are lucky enough to get good teachers, good teaching assistants and whether they click with your dc.

you have made a good decision for the right reasons, no put the subject to bed and move on. it will soon enough be time to worry about secondary education.

What if you move your DD and your neighbours on the other side then tell you that original school was better??? Seriously though, I really don't think you should put your DD through the disruption of a school move unless she is really unhappy at her current school. You appear to be giving huge weight to the opinion of one person who you have only just met It is perfectly possible that both schools are good and that your DD would be happy at either. The children next door to us go to a different school to my DCs, but I haven't felt it necessary to give the parents a lecture on their choice of school, nor they to me!

Thanks for your advice everyone. I have had a few days to process my thoughts.

I have put DD on the waiting list for the other school, but as we are 14th (!!) we have plenty of time to consider our options.

Whilst I am happy with our choice of school, what is a bit niggling is that we have what claims to be 'the best primary school in Surrey' at the end of the road, so it's a shame if DD can't actually get a place there - irrespective of what the neighbours say...

If it wasn't for that I would be very happy with our choice. But it's early days and DD needs to settle into her new school and we'll see how she gets on.